Every morning I wake up now and Franny is lying next to me, staring at me. This is something you have to accept about being a parent. Your children, when they actually let you sleep, will stare at you. They will watch you go stink-stink. They will tell you your butt looks big and that you have prepared the worst enchiladas known to childkind.
But she cuddles and she holds my hand, and I think it is making her happy to have morning cuddlebears. When she was Strudel’s age and younger I would say, “Hey, let’s cuddlebear!” and she was outtie five. Strudel is the same now. A frantic little gobeast that has to run and jump at every moment. But I think she will never grow up to be calm and sweet like Franny. Franny used to be spazzy but sweet. Not so much with The Other One, as I call her when I can’t recall her name.
Last night Strudel flipped through the Territorial Seed Company catalog. The pages whipped by and I hear little tearing sounds as I finished dinner. She paused occasionally at some odd vegetable or fruit she didn’t recognize. Finally she stopped on one page for quite a while.
“What fuck is this?” she exclaimed, sounding a lot like someone else I know when she is flipping through US Weekly or Harper’s.
Franny and I looked at each other. “That’s celriac. Celery root. You know, we have it pureed sometimes?”
“Yeah,” Strudel said.
“Did you say ‘What fuck is this?” I asked.
“Uh huh.”
“It’s ‘What THE fuck is this,” I said.
“Oh.”
She was quiet until she got to the weird looking melons.
“WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT?”
“Dinner!” I said.
Now I’m just embarrassed by the wholesome, limited vocabulary of my children.
Must try fucking harder.
Eh, if we could be normal, we would.
OMG. Maybe I do want kids after all.
(I love the weird-looking melons in that catalog.)
I love you.
And seriously, why haven’t we had sex yet?
WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT? Tha’s mah gurl! Go Strudel, go Strudel!
LMAO. Stepladder got all upset because she accidentally said a bad word on video and she didn’t want me to hear. The word? “Crap”,
OMG thats fuckin hilarious!!!
I chortled.
ROFFLE!
I remember the first time I swore in front of my mom. The realization that I just did it nearly put me into shock. I’m not sure when exactly it became “okay” to do it, but it still makes me feel uncomfortable.
I love that instead of you telling her not to drop the f-bomb, you instead corrected her grammar. :D +10
Oh, man, I am GLAD I made your place one of my few stops today. Sadly, it means bad news for my poor old dad, asleep in the next room, but hey. *I* laughed, loud and sudden, and really it’s all about me. I dearly love Strudel.
Hi! T minus one month for me being around to harass the Internet on a regular basis!
I read this outloud to my old man and we are now laughing. You and your kids, you are some funny broads.
Awesome.
My cussing habits have yet to reflect themselves in my son. I’m not sure why.
THE BLOODY HELL SHE GOT IT RIGHT!
I am looking for a young handsome dick.
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