If Those Rap People Can Say “Henny,” Then I Can Say “Voddy”

Surprise, surprise, two nights of drinking in a row has left me CROSS. Well, the voddy’s gone now, so I’m over it. Much to my barely-containing-my-own-vomit surprise, my thesis proposal got accepted. So it looks like data collection starts in October…which is soon. I said in my proposal that I would “dress appropriately” in order to fit in with the study’s participants, who are homeless people, and I think that will also involve donning a cheap wig. I really don’t want to go brown for a couple of weeks of data collection, but I will if I have to.

I am doing research for the United Way, and they want a report of of my findings, which I will of course produce. My advisor wants me to spin the report off into a journal article, instead of a formal thesis. I have to admit I got a little misty at the thought of not being a poopy-pants academic and having a big published thesis I could brain cows with. *sniff*

In Other News

Yard sale this weekend. I am getting rid of some old crap….

Mr. Husband: Now 29% more worthless. I was gone at a meeting for most of the morning and afternoon, and I came home to a giant stack of dirty dishes. Fine, whatever. But he is off to work this morning and they are still there! I hate! Yes, I know, he’s at work and that’s a good thing, but he better RECOGNIZE that we are still 50-50 on the housework tip, since I have had equivalent work hours this summer.

Mr Husband: $100. That will get me a quality vibrator and a sock puppet to have adult conversations with.

Chickens: Now 93% more worthless. Two are on the brood. One is hiding her eggs in the garden. The new ones follow Heckle and Jeckle into the house the minute they lay eggs and eat them. I think they are also eating The Dutchess’s eggs, but I’m not sure. I am feeding animals that crap up my patio and eat their own by-products. Who’s the birdbrain now?

Chickens: $5 for Marzipan and Penny, $3 for Heckle, Jeckle, Phoebe, and The Dutchess.

Monkeyhip the Crappity-Fucking Hamster: Now 86% more likely to escape. He has been roaming around the house loose for two days. The bad news is that he’s hoarding catfood under the sink. The good news is that the floors have been cleaner than they have been in weeks.

Maybe I want to keep Phoebe. She’s sweet.

Everything else will go! I am excited. I will take the money, all $200 of it, and start over as a bail bondsman in Cleveland with a small yellow chicken.

11 thoughts on “If Those Rap People Can Say “Henny,” Then I Can Say “Voddy”

  1. once upon a time, when i was a wee one, my gerbil escaped its habitrail. in the pre-dawn hours it pushed the door open to my mother’s room, scurried inside and gave her a small heart attack. It seems she thought there was an intruder which culminated in lots of blood curdling screams.

    apparently earlier that night mom had come across a scary scene while dropping off a friend. woman lying face down in street unconscious.
    so she’s keyed up from that experience then here comes the stealth gerbil intruders into her boudoir at 3 AM.

    yeah, we had to get rid of the gerbils after that.
    good times with pets!

  2. The March 2003 Vanity Fair (with stupid boring Ben Affleck on the cover) has an excellent Christopher Hitchens article about living and writing to your full potential through heavy drinking. If you’re looking for pointers. If you can bear sifting through the glossy wank-material that surrounds it.

  3. Yeah, y’gotta love a magazine that has 12 pages of ads before you get to the table of contents. I mean, holy shit, you’re more than halfway through the goddamn magazine before you get to the featured articles.

    Oh, and Dunne = antichrist (not the Antichrist, mind you . . . more like an assistant to the Head Antichrist, if you will)

  4. You could always do the cow-damaging thesis and a journal article. (Journal article being a shortened version of thesis.)
    They make good doorstops, or you could put it on your shelf like I do, and point to it and say “I wrote that.”

  5. I’m impressed that you can point to it. I shudder in horror at mine and it gathers dust in some unknown place.

    But the journal article thing–that’s a great idea.

  6. it’s too bad that we liberry-skool types don’t much write those kickass two- and three-volume theses that the engineering kids have. the ones that take a crane to lift? those are rad. (i mean, i guess we could drone on, but wouldn’t we get the smackdown?)

    although a hundred years ago, my gov docs professor claims to have written a thesis that could herniate a rhino. oh, exciting. on second thought, that’s really gay. i’m happy with this little one here that you can fit in your purse. :D

  7. this is for eminem i want to know how does it feel to be a rap person how does it feel being on stage singing and making music videos and having people to sing their paper giving them your autograph and how do you feel i want you to answer me on my email address and can i have your autograph thanks for listening to me love ya Eminem and i hope i meet you some day. sincerely: Bianca Gomez

  8. I would just like to say that eminem is the best mc i listen to and im sure a lot of people feel thet way. He is cute, rebellious, and an angry rebel. Hes awesome! I got to give him much love being a white rapper and making that shit happen fo real! Call Me Baby!!!!!!!!!!

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