So, after five years of on-and-off, up-and-down, through sickness and health, I am breaking up with Jogging. I just can’t do it anymore. I was looking pretty good this winter, when I was eating stress and drinking paranoia, and also pre-baby in Phoenix where everyone weighs five pounds, so you have to keep up…but I just have to stop before my knees do.
The problem is, of course, that after a month off, I look down and I see saddlebags that have nothing to do with no horse.
This morning I got out my old ’56 bernana-yellow Raleigh and pumped up the tires. I forgot the thing weighs about 800 pounds what with the steel frame and all, but it has this seat…a seat to die for. The bike was built for the mens, but someone added the seat later and it is wide as the Giant Head of Steve Martin. And probably just as comfortable.
It brings back so many memories…me getting a flat on the University Bridge, me hauling it up the very skinny stairs to the backroom of my record store job. It still has the Rocket from the Crypt sticker on it that my eighteen-year-old self thought was totally badass. I’d replace it, but it’s really hard to find Lee Morgan stickers. I am so lame now. But I accept my lameness, because when I don’t I usually just fall down and look stupid.
In Other News
While I was writing this, damn Nietzsche was eating the crapping butter that I set out to cook my eggs with. She was licking it and following it around the table and I heard the butter dish rattle. Perhaps I will tie her to the handlebars and peddle to my meeting with the United Way today.
I thought about throwing it out…but you know, Mr. Husband will never be the wiser. Her little toothie nibble marks look a lot like butter knife marks. Hmm….
oh come one. people in phoenix weigh at least seven pounds. hell, sometimes in scottsdale the breasts alone weigh that much.
You need to live in the low-rent part of town to avoid a weight complex. Around ASU, Tempe, Scottsdale they weigh 5 lbs. but on the West side they have much more heft.
But they are still tan. Or tan and leathery.
I’m impressed to hear about the bike seat. I quit running and my ass is so huge it wouldn’t even fit on Bryant Gumbel’s head let alone Steve Martin’s. But I didn’t bike as a substitute.
mmmm kitty licked butter….
i for one think some adorable kitten marks in the butter would add a lovely homey feel to any table setting! that martha stewart can pucker up and kiss the giant asshead of ben affleck any ol’ day. (imagine. a bike seat the size of affleck’s head. cushy!!) :)
You have to have an alternative! Now I can buzz all those smug joggers. All I need is a bell.
Nothing beats a seat the size of the Giant Head (!) of that kid from Dawson’s Creek : James Van der Noggin.
I dunno. That Conan O’Brien head is some big head. :O He calls it his “giant babyhead”! :D