Hello! Thank you for your email inquiries regarding my new cooking blog thing. I appreciate the effort many of you have gone through to create a sort of “application,” which was not necessary, but very nice. We are always so busy I really do want this to be a fun and undaunting project. I will reply to you via email this week. Busy or not, I NEED this project. I am very excite.
I went to Vancouver last weekend. If Canada was a girl, I would take her behind the gym and get her ass pregnant.
In other news, I have a very sick child who has a gluten flare-up plus a flu bug. I spent all day at the Childrens’ Hospital yesterday getting tests and x-rays. Franny is fine, but I am looking forward to getting that final rubber stamp that says “X is wrong with your kid.” Not that it will stop grandparents from stuffing her full of sugar cookies late on a Sunday night. I am thinking of going with “ATTENTION WELL-MEANING FAMILY: Franny is allergic to wheat and will DROP DEAD if you give her a piece of chocolate cake.” The reality is that she misses school, I miss work, and I resent the fuck out of everyone who is not taking this shit seriously, you can die in a fucking fire while I sit up with my kid who is twisting and holding her guts at 2 a.m.
TL;DR: I am busy and you will be hearing from me shortly, all of you, if I do not combust.
xoxo, have a good day/fuck off and die (depending on who you are)