Saturday and Saturday means DONCE CLASS. Hear the chup chup chup of the helicopter blades as they swoop over the group of five-year-olds, most of whom are there to have a good time if given half a chance. I hung out for the first class, and now I help her undress, pop her things into her cubby, and watch her run down the stairs and into the studio where she prances and thumps to her heart’s content, something she is not allowed to do at home, because SHUSH the neighbors.

Other parents stay there all the time, every time, hovering, watching, hanging on, coaching, making self-effacing remarks about their daughters’ abilities, and they make me want to vomit.

The pre-ballets come out before Strudel goes into pre-modern. The pre-ballets are strawberry pinkies compared to the pre-modern black leotards, which are more jaunty beret in a smoky club.

“Hurry up,” one mother urged her pinkie. “You have art class to go to next!”

The pre-modern parents are not any better. Don’t let the black leotards fool you.

“OH,” one mother cooed at her daughter as she came out of the studio in front of Strudel at the end. “I saw how you were moving your arms. You looked SO PRETTY OUT THERE. You look SO PRETTY sweetheart.”

My child is the only one with a pixie cut and no bun without five million clippies and headbands and DONCE sweaters and DONCE leg warmers even though it is 60 degrees. My child has a hole in her tights. Oops.

“Well,” I say, as she comes out of the studio at the end. “Did you have fun?”

“Yes,” Strudel says. High fives all around.

I walk to the library and get coffee and run other errands, and when there is about 15 minutes left I come out in front of the studio and watch her caper around through the large window, watching her hold a noodle or a scarf, pretending she is a dog or a flower. She loves her teacher with eccentric hair and a funny accent, which is a prerequisite for DONCE teachers. Strudel looks happy and at the end she gets a gluten-free scone from the coffee shop across the street.

I think we will stick with it.

Confidential to Bobbie: I will begin duplicating videos here on my Flickr page, which is public. If I embed something I did not make, I will try to remember to put the URL.