Cake and Sodomy, Indeed

I have to tell you two things: one is that I just woke up from the most terrifying dream. I was on a couch where Brian Warner was doing it with this woman from my library school. I don’t know her really well, certainly not well to participate in a couch orgy with her and Brian Warner. I don’t know anyone that well. It was even worse because Brian Warner’s makeup was mostly off and I could see he had incredibly bad skin.

There were broken nacho chips stuck to the couch, and they got stuck to my poor scared naked butt, just like they would if you were sitting on a couch covered in broken chips. Normally I appreciate a little realism in a dream, but having realistic nacho butt just added to the terror.

Then he turned on me…and he, um, “pulled out” of my classmate and I could see he had a really small penis. I said, “I’ve experienced natural childbirth. There is no way I’m even going to feel that.” Then I walked off, probably with nacho chips falling off my ass. Again, the Size Queen burninates the villagers!

Thing two: Per Miel’s request, I will yammer a bit about my impending research. I know I’ve been vague, but I figure most perps around here aren’t interested in the details.

I am going to be talking to people at homeless shelters to find out who they talk to to get their information about social services, and what information they feel is missing. The idea is to create some sort of “map” to see what channels homeless persons follow to solve their information needs. The United Way will take my report with the idea that they can share the findings with social service agencies, and can fund stuff that is more helpful to people. It is delightfully naturalistic and qualitative.

I know, I know, I’m just as surprised as you are…I thought I’d be working for evil by now, too.

15 thoughts on “Cake and Sodomy, Indeed

  1. I’m certain that Brian Warner is exactly as he was in your dream.
    And I love Marilyn Manson.
    I met him at a book signing in 97 and he shook my hand. Well, actually *I* shook his hand. He had the *softest* white hand, and he did that female melted-butter-no-grip handshake and I was shocked.
    He’s such a shocker.

  2. Yeah, ol’ Merle strikes me as a no-grip hand-shaker. The only thing I own by him (and his band) is Mechanical Animals. It’s goth-glam-metal at its finest.

  3. Now I really wish my friend had gone to Brian Warner’s party when she had the chance. SJ, you know you are evil for making me wonder about the identity of ol’ Bri’s sex monkey, right? Sorry about the chips, dude. Stop eating pizza before bed, whydontcha?

  4. We’re all slightly disappointed that you haven’t yet turned to evil as a profession, but we’re sure you’ll come around in the end.

    hur hur, come.

    (who knows where that royal ‘we’ came from.)

  5. Good deal SJ. Similarly, the organization I work for recently did a Street Smart Guide. Not only did they locate and document all the services available to our homeless, they also made the guide readily available to all homeless people.

    The value added is putting the whole guide on the web in a GIS format to be used by local service providers and the homeless alike. Oddly, it’s not far fetched for people without homes to find internet access around here.

    You might consider working with some social service agencies at the onset of your project. the data and info they can provide is invaluable to the desolate who don’t even know where to begin. Make the info exchange go both ways.

    I hope this makes a difference in your community.

    Happy Holidays

  6. Wow. That’s amazingly cool research…very interesting project. Your research will actually have an actual purpose? How strange! I didn’t know they allowed that in grad school.

    Terrifying dream. I’ll never eat nachos again. Not really! I love nachos! Maybe I won’t listen to Marilyn Manson while eating the nachos.

  7. Hey, what do you do with persimmons? A woman at work unloaded an assload on me and they’ve been sitting on our counter for a few days now, lonely and whimpering. I’d hate to waste them, but they are unfamiliar to me, so I fear them.

  8. rock on. lots of good shit out there on this topic for you to peruse and then completely decimate (or burninate, as you so choose). ;) looking forward to seeing your results (please keep us updated; you do have some liberry types readin’ dis gig!) :)

  9. oh yes, great idea that map… friend of mine has made one of those of our areas. VERY MUCH NEEDED!!!!! Way to be, asshole.
    OH and GREAT dream!! I love the nachos falling off the butt image… well I don’t think I love the image but the IMAGRY – from a writing standpoint… ok you get what i mean.

    have a groovy holiday

  10. Evil’s not as much fun when you’re getting paid for it, although it is remarkably lucrative. My advice to you is – keep it as a hobby.

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