Today Is The First Day of The Rest of Your Vagina

I don’t want to make this into a Mirena recovery blog, since A. I prefer to think of this as a life-recovery blog and B. there are some out there already (similar URLs, different blogs). I have to say, though, I’ve had a couple of triumphs in the past few days already.

The first two days involved torrential, non-stop peeing, every five minutes if I was allowed, accompanied by night sweats. My body was flushing itself really quickly and efficiently. I decided to step up my water consumption to make sure I didn’t get dried out. Lucky me, I had also scheduled a massage in my ongoing attempt not to feel a thousand years old. I allowed someone I know well to check me over (teeth, hoof, VIN, udders, etc.) and the conclusion was, yes, I had lost a couple of pounds already, at least. My arms were less puffy. My everything is less puffy. I had a similar feeling to after you first give birth and your body does a huge chemical/hormone dump, except without the residual bobsled-through-babycannon pain.

Also, my right hand! It does not hurt! For the first time in a couple of years! Recently I was completely “losing” my right hand while trying to sleep, type, and while sitting in particular positions (like on an airplane). My toes started going numb as well. I did yoga today and did not have hand/wrist pain in downward dog for the first time in years.

I have also lost the urge to snack and drink at night. I think I’ll still enjoy cocktails and whatnot whenever I damn feel like, but I had an almost-nightly jones for chips, candy, or wine, anything that was going to give me a large hit of calories before bed. I was drinking a lot of alcohol, and have been for the past three years (especially in that first year), and immediately I feel like my old self, not starving after dinner, and not jonesing for one more cookie/glass of wine/etc. I was never really worried about my alcohol intake and cravings in and of itself, but I did note that it was part of my overall calorie and sugar fiending and overeating.

Probably the most important thing, though, is that the symptom known as “brain fog” is lifting, quickly. My brain is racing along, but it’s happy, instead of anxious, as I often was for a long time. I can sort out complexity again and my focus is improving. I completed about an inch of court paperwork today, which took me two hours. I imagine a few months or a year ago I would not have even attempted it. I got hit really hard yesterday with an “attack” of brain fog where I felt weighed down, slow, drugged, like someone had thrown a hot damp blanket over me, so I felt a sharp contrast between that and “normal.” I elected to take a nap and sleep it off.

I’m not irritable, not grinding my jaw, and not reminding myself to be patient, patient, calm, and not snap at the girls. I can hold lists in my head again like I used to. I feel mentally neutral, if, admittedly, a little giddy from feeling my proper age, fitness level, and actual smartyness.

The thing that is killing me about all of this is people who are coming to realizations like I did about their Mirena and look back at what it did to their lives. Too many times on message boards I have read “I am on the verge of divorce” or “my relationship ended around this time.” It’s really sad. I feel bad, too, for the little people who do not have the choice to get away from their Mr. Hyde mothers.

I’m going to see my NP this week about lingering pelvic pain. I’ll be interested to hear what she has to say in contrast with the doctor who removed it.

Anyway, I think this is all I have to say about this for now. I anticipate that the crash may be coming as the last of the synthetic hormone leaves my system and my body readjusts its levels. I’m also sure there’s a ways for me to go over the next few weeks and months. I may look into some kind of “detoxing” program with vitamins or supplements (nothing extreme) and I will continue exercising and trying to get enough sleep. I’m really happy I got it out. So that’s how I’m doing.

14 Responses to “Today Is The First Day of The Rest of Your Vagina”

  1. holmgrrl says:

    I take about 1250mg of calcium every day as well as a couple of tablets of B complex to ward off my premenstrual spider sac of hormonal evil. It seems to work well enough for me to keep doing it- might be a good place for you to start, supplement-wise.

  2. iasshole says:

    Thanks, that is helpful. I am remembering to take my multi for the moment, which is a start.

  3. holmgrrl says:

    Hey, no sweat. Going through this stuff is my definition of No Fun.

  4. Jane says:

    I remember that massive water shedding thing after delivery. It’s freaky. Hope things continue to improve.

  5. iasshole says:

    Right, that thing where you don’t realize how messed up you are until you pee a bucket and get unmessed.

  6. anne says:

    I’m glad you got it out but I have to tell you I have some serious fond memories of the entry you wrote when you got it IN, and so if nothing else I hope you know that the combination of “rootling” and “is not junk drawer” made me laugh at random, inappropriate times (and EVERY time at the GYN) for… what, two years? So … your pain has me crying (or at least wincing) in sympathy, but your ability to tell the story will always amaze me.

  7. Brigid Keely says:

    A friend of mine had a similar experience when she went off Depo-Provera after having been on it for… a decade? Or so?

    Every time I have anesthesia I sweat like a rainforest afterward. My body is very efficient at shedding itself of things that cause me to NOT feel pain. Hurr?

    Glad you’re back on the mental ball!

  8. iasshole says:

    Thanks, Brigid!

    Anne: Yes, the last sane post. HA HA, just kidding. Thanks. :)

  9. misspiggy says:

    ooh and another thing.. hormonal supplements/implants and pain: female hormone dosers deplete the body of magnesium which is key to muscle repair, so aches and pains are more likely to be worse if you’re on hormonal birth control unless you take magnesium supplements.

    Of course, I only found this out after half a lifetime of chronic pain and being on the pill….

  10. iasshole says:

    This is good information.

  11. jendajen says:

    CRAP. I spent most of the time I had the Mirena with one or two wrist braces on because of pain and numbness. I had no idea it might have something to do with that. Also, with the eating. Plus the thing started hurting so exercising was out, but my doctor kept telling me it was fine so I left it in a few years longer than I should have. My feet started going numb whenever I skated so I had to quit roller derby… Wonder if that was related, too.

  12. styro says:

    Wait. Hormonal birth control (in various forms) causes numbness? crap. That explains a lot.

  13. iasshole says:

    Yes, I had hand numbness when I was on a higher dose pill in college as well. I am still loving on my returned hand. I thought I was just turning 1000 years old.

  14. styro says:

    Shizzzle. I have been on continuous bcp’s since …2003? for my lady problems. I assumed the numbness was because of my fatitude. Shit.