So, I have had a harrowing couple of days corresponding with my ex-husband. I should know better than to even try to engage with him, especially as I went into things so irritated in the first place, because of Franny’s poor hair. If I go in angry, he throws up a blockade of SJ YOU ARE ALWAYS SO UNREASONABLE. If I go in reasonable, he says “okay” and then does whatever he wants anyway. I wish he would be a wall of “I am not going to move for you,” like I try to be, rather than a bunch of lies and bad rhetoric. I know how to deal with that. But how can you communicate with someone who has trouble keeping their own lies straight? It’s enough to make you want to hear one lie, told well, all the time.

So I am going to dump our last bit of correspondence here, and get irate about it, and then I am not going to have to see that fucktard until Thanksgiving. This is the last bit of energy that I am going to spend on this. Back to jiggly bikini girls, etc, etc.

In my last entry, I posted my email that I sent to him in regards to Franny’s hair. The replies were a lot less illiterate than his usual screeds. The ideas don’t sound quite right either…it doesn’t sound like his usual chain of “logic.” Either college is actually working, or perhaps That Poor Woman is proofing for him.

After my first email:

>I’m more than happy to talk about your concerns with Franny’s hair, >or anything else concerning her life and well being any time you’d >like. What I’m not willing to do is engage with your name calling >and personal insults, it does neither us, nor Franny any
>good. If we are to have any lasting compromises over the years, a >bit of respect would be in order. At the very least, an absence of >hostility.

>Seth

This sounds good on the surface, doesn’t it? Like he actually cares about her and the way we communicate, but I can see through this for what it is, which is a dishonest way of saying “fuck you.” If you communicate with someone like this, you know what I’m talking about. This drives me CRAZY. He always falls back on the very popular “the child, THINK ABOUT THE CHILD” when I have issues with him or something he’s doing to or with her. I don’t really see how me calling his cousin a bridezilla or asking him to think before he does something stupid to our kid via email is affecting Franny. Maybe I’m missing something. At least, I am aware that I am angry. I don’t think he can acknowledge when he is, so I get stupid emails like this.

I reply, and I know I’m pushing water uphill at this point, but I can’t seem to help myself sometimes.

>Seth:

>I have permanently lost respect for you, so sanctimonious >finger-wagging will always be a waste of time.

>I know that I am unlikely to get anything useful back here, but I do
>want to know, in the interest of preventing future pain for F.

> Now, she told me she doesn’t like the color and would rather that >it were still blue. Tell me the truth: if I dye her hair back, will >you take her back to a salon to have chemicals used on her again?

>SJ

Okay, I know I shouldn’t have said “sanctimonious finger-wagging,” but that was what was happening here. A finger was wagged. Sanctimoniously. I needed to call it as I saw it, even though I knew I was doing the equivalent of trying to teach an intoxicated donkey a quadratic equation.

I got a reply! Surprisingly, I SUCK.

>In the future, if you want a useful reply you can cut out the >useless rhetoric. In the interest of resolving this conversation, I >think it is inappropriate for you to keep dying Franny’s hair >ridiculous colors. Of course she wants her hair different colors, >but in my opinion she’s a bit too young to make those decisions. >She needs to appreciate her natural beauty for what it is and learn >to be herself before making all these changes, which she’ll have >plenty of time to do when she gets older. If you’re concerned >about chemicals on Franny’s head, I would suggest not adding any more chemicals yourself and leave her be.

Sweet! I got a lecture! THIS after me dying her hair for the last year and a half we lived together, with nary a peep from Seattle Federline. THIS after we discussed me continuing to dye her hair after I left him, and he said, “I think it’s fine. Thanks for running it by me.” As usual, he misses the point. I was concerned about the fact that the process hurt her, and I was afraid he was going to have it done again. I am taking this final email as evidence that he just might. The dye I use on her is artifical, yes. But the color is deposited via a conditioning base. It is like hair stain over her natural blonde hair and does not burn.

I can’t let this lie, though: “in my opinion she’s a bit too young to make those decisions.” If that’s so, then why did he make the decision to take her to a salon and have her hair done dishwater? I think that sends a nastier message than me dying her hair “ridiculous colors.”

A few people have been encouraging me to redye her hair, and Franny tells me she wants her hair blue again and is dissatisfied with the results of the professional job. I think I hit on a better solution last night. I was telling this story on the annual mom’s cocktail cruise that my friend Supa has, and a friend of hers listened to everything and said, “Sounds like it’s time for a pixie cut.” I think this is the best idea I’ve heard, and at breakfast Frannie was enthusiastic about it. The ugly, fuzzy dishwater hair at the bottom will go away. I will not redye her hair, and if she asks me why I will tell her that it’s because I’m afraid that her dad will take her to a salon again to have her hair bleached.

Aiiight, back to dumb stories about boobs and the myriad ways I accidentally offend people.