If It’s Tuesday, This Must Be Assholedom

“Hey, take this yuckers bucket out to the yard waste bin, okay?” I handed Strudel a pail of random grossness and wilted veg from the potted rabbit I’d just stewed for a couple of hours. I was washing dishes and doing odds and ends that you never want to do like scrubbing the dish drain and cleaning under things.

“UGH,” Strudel said. “I can’t get the yard waste lid open.” QUE DRAMÁTICO.

“Sure you can,” I said. “Pop it open with a broom handle.”

She came back in with an empty pail. “That was the WORST experience EVER because I got this stuff that smelled like PUKE in my infection!”

“You have an infection?” I asked.

“Well, I call it that. It really hurts.”

“You should wash it out then.”

She came back a few minutes later with clean hands. “Do you know why I call it an infection?”

“No.” Here we go.

“Well, it scabbed over, but it got a bug stuck in it! So there was this bug stuck in my cut and it scabbed over it.”

Jesus Christo.”

“Yeah, I pulled the scab off, and I couldn’t believe it! A bug trapped in there!”

“What kind?”

“A mosquito thing? I think.”

La Strudel Tar Pits.

7 thoughts on “If It’s Tuesday, This Must Be Assholedom

  1. I love how she’s only now telling you about the cut. She was totally going to just watch it. For Science.

  2. Strudel tar pits!!! Any sense of whether this is accurate?

    My child has this vivid (FALSE) memory of going to the doctor and having a feather pulled out of her ear.

    Gotta love those childhood super healing powers. She probably had like 10 billion spores of death and then her wicked high functioning body just fixed it all up.

  3. This does not put a damper on her future presidentialness for me. When she runs for prez she’s going to say, “My election. Well, that’s what I call it.” Mosquito in cut is metaphor for running opponent.

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