OH FANGSGIVING. Wiggety Wham Wham Wazzle!

1. Can I tell you something? I have been hesitant to bring this up, but tomorrow IS Thanksgiving. And everyone knows what Thanksgiving is about, RIGHT? No, not gonorrhea awareness. That’s next month. NO, not the wanton subjugation of indigenous peoples. God, what is wrong with you today?

Thanksgiving is about FAMILY, jerks. And I need to tell you a story about family. I have not seen my father since I was three. Long story, and the short version is that there’s no hard feelings about that part of my past.


Because of some stupid posting on my part in ’02 (now deleted), my father found my blog. And is now a semi-regular commenter here as of six or so months ago. I will not out him or his handle. But I know he reads sometimes, which is nice. Can you imagine putting together twenty-five years of someone’s history through a blog like this one? Yes, I feel sorry for him for having to wade through the archives, too.

So that’s something cool.

2. Today I have been cooking like Emeril on a meth binge. And now I am imagining Emeril yelling “BAM” while smoking crystal. That’s working for me. Cranked-out Emeril is going to be my new spirit animal.

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“Be not afraid, SJ. The spirits are with you. Do you totally want to hit this eggplant? BAM!”

Yesterday I mentioned I was brining my turkey. Here goes Bessie into the pot.

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She doesn’t totally fit, but I’ll just flip her tonight. I hope this works out. And by “works out,” I mean “give an almost flavorless type of poultry a way to BAM things up a notch.”

I also made giblet stock today for the stuffing. I wish I could put the smell on this page. It was astounding, and an excellent use of the parts that otherwise give me the screaming heeblies.

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Turkey neck money shot, BOYEEE!

While chopping, I am watching the television show Big Love from a borrowed laptop on the counter. It is hard to keep my eyes on the peeling.

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What is with these sexy Mormons? Mormons aren’t supposed to be sexy. I am having that confusion again, like when I first discovered I had unnatural feelings for Rob Schneider. Those sexy Mormons almost made me cut off my finger twice.

3. Yogurt cheese turned out well. Here you can see it dangling, waiting for all the whey to drip out.

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Franny mixes apricots into the cheese. And then she puts the lotion into the basket.

Sorry, that was OLD MEME.

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Strudel gets into the act, because she is the Head Monitor of all unfolding situations at our house.

4. Last week the sidewalks and flowerbeds at Franny’s school were getting buried with falling leaves. Whippet mentioned that the grounds needed help as Seattle Federline was dropping Franny off. “Oh, I’ll bring a rake,” he replied magnanimously, which he did. Thus ends SeaFed’s volunteerism for the year, no doubt. Hee.

Since we enjoy the benefits of child labor, Companion and I went up to the school and raked up the beds ourselves.

“Wow, this rake SeaFed left looks new. Maybe he bought one for the school,” I said.

“Huh,” Companion said.

“Oh, no wait,” I said. “I’ll bet this is the one he bought four years ago, and it looks new because he never uses it.”

SO, Supa will be attending Thanksgiving tomorrow, and my sister. I think the neighbors are dropping by for dessert, which will be nice. I will be sure to take pictures–I suspect there will be a few shenanigans to recount. Franny cried about leaving our house last night and this morning, but she’ll be back Friday. I have never seen her so depressed for such a long period of time. It really twisted me up when I dropped her off at school this morning.

5. Oh, and here’s a bonus. I had the girls photographed formally. It’s one of my few concessions to lame suburban-mom behavior. Here’s one we didn’t order. They look deranged. Way to smile, girls. WHO WILL CLICK ON MAMA’S BLOG ADS NOW? Happy FANGSGIVING.

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21 thoughts on “OH FANGSGIVING. Wiggety Wham Wham Wazzle!

  1. Happy Fangsgiving, SJ. I have always thought that your children were unusually attractive, and the pictures today are just another demonstration. I mean, many kids are attractive in that it’s-cute-by-nature’s-design-so-awwwwww way, but Franny and Strudel’s personalities come through onto the page in a way that children’s normally don’t. Way to go.

  2. I am so going to hell for this and I’m sure it reveals some weird dirty issues, given that my last comment on your blog was about the choad thing, but oh God I’m so sorry the yogurt cheese looks like a plaster cast of male genitalia from that angle.

    Am I the only one? Please tell me I’m not the only one.

  3. Hey Scarlet Pervygirl! I totally saw the same thing and was waiting for the punchline as I read…Coincidence considering the choad thing? I think not.

  4. Oh, and lizz: not that anyone cares but me (hee), but I’ve noticed that Strudel has an extra long mane compared to other girls her age. People comment on “all the hair” when they find out she’s 20 months.

    Hopefully her beautiful hair will make up for her tail. :( Maybe we get good bride price anyhow.

  5. Wow, Franny’s hair looks fantastic!

    I hope you had an awesome Fangsgiving and are lazing around in a tryptophan coma right now.

  6. YAY! NOREEN!!! I was seriously just about to put a call out for you, because I just recently heard what happened to Diary-X. Lame!

  7. Ah, but isn’t it? And, I am touched! Doubly so because I really felt like I was alone in the world when that Rob Schneider thing happened to me.

  8. So, I’m guessing you did that photo at R0wland?

    Dude… that’s where my high school did our senior pictures.

    So. Many. Bad. Photos.

    Try that place downtown with the name that sounds like it’s probably an Asian word for cunilingus. They’re better.

  9. Better, but crazy expensive. We went to Sears, because we had a free sitting fee and a free 8×10. I swear some of them turned out cute. I SWEAR!

  10. Wow, you are certainly bringing together all the Rob Schneider lovers out there. Who knew that the secret Rob Schneider funny-feeling-in-the-panties flame burns so brightly across the land?

    Happy Thankzgiving!

  11. WHO WILL CLICK ON MAMA’S BLOG ADS NOW?

    really… i’m stealing that line… to be hissed from between the teeth every time I take a photo.

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