WOW! Today was my first day of yoga! I sat on the edge of the bed, putting on the pants I bought for kickboxing partway through when Companion’s running pants weren’t doing the trick anymore.
“Are you excited?” Companion asked groggily.
“Yes. When they ask me what my goal is, I’m going to reply, ‘To fellatiate myself,” I said.
“Don’t you mean…?”
“No, I mean ‘fellatiate.”
“See, people like you is the reason I’m glad I’m not a teacher.”
I did really well! The teacher gave me a gold star. She asked me if I’d ever done yoga before and I said no, but later in the privacy of her office I confessed my sordid yoga past with Denise Austin. I was forgiven on the spot!
Fangsgiving was good. Many fangs were given, resulting in lesions that are only slightly infected. I have a SECRET! I forgot to flip Bessie over after twelve hours, so she sat in her original position overnight. In the morning her rump was unsightly(-er) and dryish. I flipped her over and she spent her remaining six hours of stooing that way. Whups.
Despite that, I’d say the brining was a success. It was so easy I’d certainly do it again.
O Helo Playsilk Ninja, have you come to softly terrorize my village?
Now we know where the girls get their “crazy eyes” from:
Oh sweet foxy booze I embrace thee. I used this Vermoof in the stuffing. Perhaps I am a stuffing naif, but I had never made a stuffing with eggs beaten in before.
Toorkey Pr0n! That’s a little weird looking, isn’t it? It’s all in the cheesecloth.
I made a tiramisu (Figure One), and Supa brought many pumpkin products. I kind of lost the thread of the picture-taking after the turkey went in, because I got really busy and my hands got slimy a lot.
Other than that, there’s not much going on here. There is snow on the ground, which is kind of an occasion in itself here in Seattle. When I stepped out of my house at a quarter to six this morning, being hit by the cold air and crunching through the snow on the ground reminded me of being a paper carrier when I was fifteen. I did a lot of slogging through dark snow then. I remember going out to my driveway at four-thirty and finding the lump of newspapers that had been completely buried in snow.
There were things I liked about it though. I liked being alone. We were out in BFE, some sometimes I wouldn’t even see a car driving around. Customers complained if I would deliver the paper after six, so I would get up extra early and then come back home and fall into bed for another hour or so.
Dogs were scary. I usually listened to my Walkman (“Check Your Head” was the only thing that could really make me move) with one slipped halfway off one ear so I could hear the barking or telltale collar jingle. I kicked a few square in the chest that were just coming balls-out straight at me. I was lucky because they all whined and ran back home. I don’t think they expect that. I didn’t enjoy it, but I didn’t want to have to go around with a chunk missing.
And lo, fifteen years later, I leave my house in the snowy dark to pay for exercise. It should be the title of my autobiography: Well, I never saw THIS coming.
Oh, PS, these shoes suck. Last night I was overtired and they made me laugh so hard! Click “view on model!!!” It’s worth it. As the sooper-cool Rich would say: “UM…EW.” Somehow, also, I feel like this is something Tits McGee would appreciate. I thot of you, Tits.
The original :”Um Ew.” Apologies.
oh dude, I started doing yoga 2-3 months ago and luuuuurve it. My back has gotten so much stronger!
That tiramisu looks crazy good.
Makes me glad I’m not in style.
Won’t you take me away, take away me…
Thanks, I’m going to be humming that all afternoon. Could be worse, I suppose.
Holy cow, my blog was barfing HTML all over itself.
I heart yoga. And that turkey picture, man, it’s going to give me nightmares. I don’t even want to think about what I thought it was when I first glanced.
Holy freaking crap.
Figgy Pudding Boots?! Oh, my head. I couldn’t begin to touch upon all the things wrong with those nightmares. I do so appreciate your thinking of me!
And your tira misu! Is making me drool! Though not half as much as your spread-em turkey. For a second there, I thought I was looking at a picture of Lindsay Lohan. Mmmmm.
OMG, tiramisu!!!11
Dude, I would seriously wear the grey wedge booties. Sue me. But the rest are terrible and should be shot out of a cannon aimed at Anna Wintour.
Speaking of winter snow, remember the time you made the “UW” sign and hitched a ride in the snow? You have moxie.
Oh my special librarian friend is coming in here and telling tales out of school. Hee.
Oh, and Lindsay Morgan is more “roast beefy” and less “turkey-ey”. I’m sorry I know that. PUT ON SUM PANTY’S, LOHAN.
Thanks for the boots laugh. Beauty.
Oh Em Fucking Gee!
We saw those live and in person the other day… I can’t remember where… perhaps Nordstroms. It was frightening; I may have touched them briefly. I’m thinking of hacking my hand off and replacing it with an evil hand that was severed from a serial killer.
PS I will be posting a similarly disturbing footwear discovery to my el jay soon.
Crazy awesome tiramisu!
speaking of fellatiating yourself-have you seen Shortbus yet?
:)
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