Remember the other day, when I was all “I’ll be back l8r, guyz?” Well, I guess I meant now. I have two things to tell you. One is that I moved Hester Prynne up to the kitchen, so she is out of the range of her internet cable tail. So my computer is now a word processor and a mahjong delivery device. The second thing is that for the past few days I’ve been busy working on a writing project of a different stripe, which is fun, but it was good that I was internetless for a bit, so I didn’t put the “ass” in “procrastinating.”

Yeah, you can have that.

This is the part where if I was a nice person, I would tell you what I’ve been up to, but I want to wait a little longer.It’s not a huuuuge deal, and it’s kind of weird, so hang in there, and keep clicking on my ads. Oh, wait, I don’t have those. Well, I promise this will get interesting soon. Maybe I’ll come down with something vague and tragic, that will make me pale and thin, like Ventricular Dermatitis. Maximus. I will instead distract you with a legitimate online literary publication that asked to republish something I wrote in the amazing year 2001. That hissing sound is all of their credibility leaking out. Just kidding, guys.

Except not.

But thanks for the reprint, srsly.

Currently, I’m squatting on Companion’s Tyrone, who I was apparently talking about just a year ago today. I need to get Hester a longer tail so I can get back to the hott mongoose action the interblort provides.

Speaking of getting thin, I have hit that “okay mah baben’s two, mah muffin top is dissolving a little bit.” WHEW. I was much dismayed that it really took that long to let it go with the first one, and now here it is again.

HOWEVER. Second child, and I am almost thirty, so I have discovered something disturbing. The muffin top is turning into silly putty. I bent over the sink last night and was palpitating my jelly, which I am not ready for, and it was all AAAAAGGGGHH! My twelve year old cat and I now look the same naked. Except she probably has a cuter butthole.

There is an upshot to this. I can form my stomach into little animals to entertain my children with. Just add googly eyes and we’re all set.

Speaking of the children, it is day three of summer vacation, and I am not going to lie to you. I am ready to KILL them. I always try to appreciate Franny, because she’s gone a lot, but they are being total assmittens. Like “stake them out in the yard” assmittens. I told Halo this true fact and she said, “I can just see you marking big red X’s off on the calendar.” Double true.

AND, about my interwebs trouble with the page looking all wonky, what a surprise, it was MY bads. I was doing something codewise I shouldn’t have been doing, so this is a true confession so my webmaster doesn’t look like a chump. Because he’s not. In fact, he is like non-chumpery squared, because I fuck things up and he susses out the dumbassery and fixes it. WOW, that’s some motherfucking service. I love that guy and his tolerance. Also, what is up with Movable Type not having a “center” button in the UI? I tells ya.

So after I am done mourning the death (to me) of html center tags, and my ass reads the Nice Literature Daniel sent me regarding this new invention called XHTML, titled “XHTML and You, Dumbass. Welcome to the Amazing Year, You Know, 2001,” maybe I will post some pictures. Or maybe there will just be some Hardcore XXX Left-Justification. OOOOH.

le sigh.