IMPORTED THOTS.
Please to bear in mind that I have been sucking down some kind airborne version of estrogen all weekend. I have been tearing up at the drop of a hat, over sunsets and puppies and people picking strawberry seeds out of their teeth, so go figure.
ANYWAYz, it turns out that Amy Sedaris is not so thrilling in person. She was on a panel, and she kept dropping shit like “ching-chong eyes” and “glitter and paint, which appeals to deaf people,” and something about crafts for retards. Which broke my heart a little. I had always heard that she has a cupcake business, and I loved her book, which I was kicking myself for not bringing so she could sign it, but now I think when I get home…whatever. Perhaps it belongs to the Naked Feral Dwarf now. I think that she is a clever person, and there’s a thousand other ways she could be funny, and that’s all the time I’m going to waste on this subject.
I want to send myself hugs to feel better, but Between You and Me, anything that doesn’t involve lube or eels and a funnel is BOOOO-ring!
((((((((BUTTSEX))))))))))
That’s better.
In other news, Elizabeth Edwards had a coversation with Lisa Stone, hyperarticulate and diplomatic Blogher cofounder, and I swear it just sounded like they were hanging out in someone’s drafty and extremely well-lit living room. Ms. Edwards is a no-bullshit question answerer and if she’s producing spin of any kind, I am too stupid to notice it. Lucky me. My question is, when is she going to run for office?
Only people from Hilary and Edwards were there, despite the fact that this is apparently the biggest blog conference evah. HELO.
I also confronted my doppleganger, The Sarcastic Journalist (other SJ). We talked for a while and things got weirder and weirder…it turns out that she masturbates zoo animals for a living too. Add on the fact that we both have a third nipple on the same side, and I was fairly freaked out. What are the odds of that? Getting better all the time, I suppose.
Fetching devil eyes!
Here I am in my leopard dress tonight. Shauna said I have achieved my goal of being a WAG this weekend, but what she doesn’t realize is that I need to weigh about 90 pounds, ten percent of that being bewbies. Better luck next time!
Also, one blogger that I admire, who I met at vagvest last year, talked to me during breakfast. I fangirled at her extensively and she glanced down at my tag. “Oh, that’s a terrible name,” she said. “Okay,” I said, and walked off. So I changed my name on my tag and I am considering really changing it.
Oh hells yes.
I met a writer I like who happened to be there on a different subject that what I see her writing for. Who’s Mur Lafferty, says my bf. DUH, she’s the only woman who has a complete column in KODT. I stalked her. The stupid thing is that Liz invited me to a party the night before with Susie Bright, and Mur was there! And I met her. But it was crazy dark, and it turns out I’m dum. Oh wells.
Tonight we hung out with Weetabix from Big Fat Deal and Wendy from Pound, and we ate delicious rainier cherries, which seem odd outside of Washington. Weetabix was so kind to let internet axe murderers into her room, and she even made me a Drunken Arnold Palmer, which was deelicious.
This, of course, was after we got kicked out of the final cocktail party at the Children’s Museum by hostile caterers. I was given a bottle of wine by the person repping the winery, and it was SNATCHED in an unholy fashion by one of the caterers. “YOU can’t have THAT.”
THEY GOTS MAH BUCKET OF WINE! Next year: moar party in a moar elegant space plz, kthnx. Although, Shauna did get a pic of me and Wendy Parising it up outside of a stretch SUV.
Sorry if I missed anyone in the party. I am thinking of one person in particular who I called a horrible slur by accident (I am a CHARMER, watch out ladies) but she set me straight and told me good stories. Say hello if you like, I only bite people who smell like cookies.
Sponsor table WTF?
“Oh hullo, I am nonchalantly being gorgeous while eating miso. Carry on.” Ah my roommate.
On a final note, this weekend of insane debaucheration in the dancerie has resulted in a paid writing gig with a respectable website. Deets to follow.
Me: I has a writing job!
Liz: Whose dick did you suck?
Me: Everyone’s!
SPRING BREAK! Woo!
You were fuckin’ awesome and I’m glad I got to meet you.
I’m gratified to report that THIS VERY MORNING an asshat left a moronic comment on my site which I intend to alter as per your suggestions.
Thank you for that.
:)
YAY! It was nice to meet you too. I will peep your site often.
Aw, I wish I could have been there FKRU.
Next year!
I love your vagfest badget. Awesome.
I’m sorry we didn’t chat more, but you now have another regular reader.
How does one detox from so much estrogen?
I felt the same way about Elizabeth Edwards. Good on the new gig. I’ll await the update. : )
That sounds like so much fun. I don’t know what I’d do with myself!
Hey, SJ. It’s me, Dietgirl’s “friend”, who met her for the first time on Friday, but, what the fuck, BlogHer has got me feeling all familiar and confident and grrlpower-ish. Roar! Anyway, I promised I’d send along my e-mail, and my URL, and stuff, so here ya go. I will be following your exploits through the wonders of RSS and I hope our paths cross again sometime when I’m not so burdened by child. (But it was great to hear you have a similar burden of the female sort!!) Meeting you was an unexpected and lovely pleasure!
Hi Pamela! Hi everyone! Welcome new victims!
I’m still in love with Amy Sedaris, however I have been heavily involved with cow insemination and that’s almost like masturbating animals, right?
Loved meeting you at the conference and everytime I saw you I wanted to run up and show you the reticulated penis I finally found in my purse but then I thought “She’s not even going to remember me.” Because, my God, how many conversations did you have about reticulated metal penises, right? Tons I bet.
Bossy also took about a hundred photos of the wtf Butterball Turkey. Perhaps Butterball took a wrong turn and thought they were showing up at the Poultry Convention?
I’m SO glad I got a chance to talk your ear off on the rooftop. You are hysterical and the hair is rockin. Thank you for being so nice to a chatterbox.
Yeah. Amy Sedaris. She could have at least sung her Snow White song from Sesame Street.
Oh, man, I hadn’t seen Sesame Street in years, and I happened to be at someone’s house, and I saw that. I was thrilled. Now…I cry into my pillow.
I am over Amy S. after that, too. It made me pretty cranky. Everyone cuts soooo much slack for the celebs. You make some sock puppets and cupcakes and everyone gets wet, while supercrafty amazing women like Crafty Chica could kick craft girl ass.
The problem with spending more time with you at BlogHer this year is that I am head over heels in love with you. I don’t know if that is a compliment, warning, or threat, but now it is out there.
Actually I said “Who did you blow?” and everyone in the room looked at us in horror…
you were utterly charming and very real, and the picture on flickr of you and somebody else doing the hustle is smokin’ hot.
loved getting to chat with you a little.
best,
k.
I think I offended your spameater just now when I posted this link on flickr.
flickr .com/photos/lizhenry/932350883/in/photostream/
That picture makes me think of the Heinekin girl.
Oh, I forgot. Screw Amy Sedaris! What a disappointment.
No no, you are not dum! I just wish we’d had more time to chat.
And dude, I’ve felt that about Elizabeth Edwards – why doesn’t SHE run – for years. She’s SO DAMN SMART.
Awesome to meet you.