As an aside: the best sex store that ever was, Babeland, has asked me along with a few other bloggers to write for their Sexy Mama May for Mother’s Day. They will have theme weeks this month about what it means to be a sex-pos mom, and I will write on their topics. I am also able to do a giveaway sometime this month of a cool swag pack, and I am trying to decide how to do it. Stay tuned!

Hooray, Mother’s Day is coming! That one token day where I get to sit around and pretend that my feral dwarf overlords appreciate me because they throw a couple of frozen waffles at me before going back to destroying the house.

Okay, I kid. I like Mother’s Day. And the house-destroyers are the reason I can celebrate it, right? For the past few years, Franny has been giving some thought to how she got here, starting with the appearance of her sister as a lump on my body. As I explained pregnancy and conception to her, with the aid of a great book called “What’s the Big Secret?” I could see her look of quiet horror as she put two and two together and realized that yes, I, her mother, had to have sex to conceive both her and her sister.

Things are getting easier with her now though. She asks questions about sex and love a little hesitantly, but frankly, about things she doesn’t understand. The other day she confessed that she dreamt she kissed a boy. It sounded very sweet and chaste, much like my first erotic dream about Michael J. Fox. It was fun for me to see her all thrilled and yet kind of freaked out about it all.

“Well, that’s totally normal,” I said. “Everyone has dreams like that.” I told her I dreamt about holding hands with Michael J. Fox, because we saw Back to the Future recently and she knows who he is.

“He was considered one of the cutest boys in America when I was your age,” I said, waving my cane of old cronedom around.

“No WAI,” was her stunned reply.

WAI.

We are all going through a huge EW phase over here regarding kissing in pictures or TV. But then she backtracks and says it’s okay if some people kiss, like me and her sister’s dad. Well, I am pleased to have a special dispensation from my little Prude Pope.

She really had a lightbulb moment the other day, when she was watching over my shoulder as I was playing The Sims 2, infamous for its censor-blurred sex with little pixel people. I haven’t gamed in months because of life, flu, and auction, but I decided to pick it up as I am in extra-lazy mode now as I recover. I created a new little household of two roomies and they happened to hit it off and were smooching in their little pixel living room.

“Mom?” she said.

“Yep.”

Stage whisper: “Do you think those Sims are going to HAVE SEX?”

“Oh, probably,” I replied.

“Oh GROSS.”

“Sex isn’t gross,” I said.

“Hmm, okay. I guess it doesn’t have to be. I guess…I am here because of sex.”

DING DING DING! They’re so cute when they come out of denial. These are the moments that kind of help mitigate the three a.m. vomming and sister-smacking.