Dear Goddamned Diary,

Now my big kid is dragged down into the flu pit, and I am waiting for her little sister to follow. I was feeling guilty by the end of the weekend because I was so sick and out of it that I was just kind of waving the girls away or shrugging at them like I was Courtney Love mated with Edina Monsoon. Franny was acting like she was missing me but I could hardly stand to be touched, really. I always try to remember when I was six and my mom got food poisoning and I was convinced she was going to die and leave me with my stepfather forever. That felt pretty bad. I try to be somewhat present even when I am fucked up if I can.

Of course when Monday rolled around I was mostly back on duty. All the sudden I could see dirt again and the groceries that didn’t get quite put away and the mail piled by the door and it made me cry a little inside. And then by Tuesday Franny was running a 103. I slept with her on the futon last night, because she rocket-vomited up her “meltaway” Tylenol so fast it was like I had fed it to her on a boomerang or something. So it was me, her, and a bucket. I think she is feeling a little less neglected now. I am hovering in the 100-101 range with a sore throat that is making me want to drink paint.

This morning I took her out to la supermarche and I felt bad to do so, but I was out anyway because of course the cat ran out of pills this morning. Franny dragged around behind me making glib comments about whatever popped into her head. Everything was “Like, wow, there are purple streaks in my eyes and the grocery store is really funny the room is moving up and down” I thought, if this is what she would be like on drugs, then we should Just Say No for that reason among many.

Then this woman in a weird outfit came up behind me and asked me if I worked at Wendy’s. Because all Wendy’s employees have red braids, just like the girl on the sign. MOST hilarious joke EVER. I have not heard that four trillion times by people who think they are just as funny as you are. You know what I think is a funny joke? Me punching you in your jellybag. She got away though, and I just stood there, too stupid to go all howler monkey on her ass. It’s for the best, really. I can take my braids-of-hair-neglect out. Other people’s problems are not as easily fixable.

Also, I will stop breaking bad on Hulu because it saved us during the barferie in the dancerie stage that we went through last night. Seven-going-on-eight-year-olds really, really enjoy Alf still, as it turns out. Thirty-year-olds enjoy Alf less than when they were nine. Then I made her watch 90210 with me. Mwah ha, vengeance was mine. Naw, I think she liked that too. I have seen this kid spend several minutes staring at a paused video or show. Hell, I have seen her staring happily at televisions that were off and cold.

I have an update on my neighbor situation: on Sunday when I was still feverish-er and super out of it, I spent a couple of hours reading on my fainting couch in my front room, next to the picture window. This affords me an excellent view of the comings and goings of the neighborhood cats, that were coming like some kind of steady cat pottyin’ commuter train, next stop, the Poop Pit that is my neighbor’s yard. I think I saw four or five cats in an hour. I have been advised by a few wise people to video this, and boy, am I considering it.

Also, if you missed it, I wrote an article on the SecuROM fiasco over at Blogher on Friday, which is probably mostly of interest to gamers. I think more gamers read me here than over there (if I had to guess) so I thought someone might be interested.

Aaand the sex blog thing fell through, which had nothing to do with me. I feel funny when I don’t link stuff or have to say “nevermind.” A lot of times I wait to tell you til it’s a sure thing, because it’s more fun to write about sure things, which I thought this was. It sounds like I’m making things up sometimes, I swear. Hey! Someone just gave me a gold Camero, which I…have no way to take pictures of, yeah. Tune in next week when it gets repo’d!