Dear Goddam Diary,
I realized something today: being nasty to someone who hurt you doesn’t really do any good. Well, I KNEW that part. I guess what I didn’t really internalize until recently is that being nasty to someone makes the other person very, very relieved about the decisions they made to get away from your crazy ass. It’s a kind of negative affirmation. When I was younger I spent a lot of time agonizing over people who hurt me, beyond what was normal for the grieving process and I think all it did was prolong the process and make some people feel sorry for me. I think this is some kind of subdirectory of “living well is the best revenge.” It’s a win-win. *rings gong*
Look at me I am so zen I cannot slap a bitch. Don’t worry, it won’t go to my head. I know I will bone something up again VERY soon.
Today I went to the Ballard Market and bought SOAP! I also went to the record store down there and they were playing Misfits covers and let me tell you it was amazing. I fawned on CDs and then went next door and tried on teal Fluevogs, but did not go all capitalism crazy.
Speaking of capitalism, did I tell you I am supposed to be getting a new compydore? I have been for like two weeks now and I keep FORGETTING to sit down and order it. It has been like this long since I had a computer that was less that 5 years old and works regularly. Now I can afford one and I am choking. I even have the specs. What is going on? What, what? I am writing this down like saying it aloud in hopes that I will figure it out.
Possibilites:
1. General craziness (salutes)
2. Weird security blanket feeling about a time that was bad and ghetto and involved me being depressed? Why am I nostalgic about that no money, all badness time?
2.5 Catholic guilt. My mom always said I was a closet Catholic. What does that even mean??
3. ??? I don’t know, really. Why do people choke?
4. I found a squirrel in the rat trap. It looked surprised!
It’s been a bananas weekend all around. On Friday night I was buying things online at like 1 a.m. that involved a kroner to dollar converter and I realized it is all because my partner in co-dependency is out of town. You find that special someone who will humor your crazy stuff and then they run off on business. It’s madness, I tells ya. So I am feeling very, very pathetic and hobbled at the moment. Interdependency can make people stronger than they would be on their own, but the hangover is a BITCH, isn’t it?
Let’s test your threshold of pain
Let’s see how long you last
That’s happened in your rape
On bosoms of your past
With jaded eyes and features
You think they really care
Let’s go where eagles dare
We’ll go where eagles dare