I, asshole will not be updating for a few days while we sort out some connectivity issues.

Hello, I am crapping out on this one, and I know I have some lurking librarians here, so….Help me Obi-Bun!

Sweet, I got to use that terrible joke twice in one week.

Anyway, I am looking for pregnancy books written in Japanese that are available online or here in the U.S. They would be for a native speaker. I’m looking for anything good, and translations of popular English books are fine. Anything except What to Expect When You’re Expecting, aka “The Evil Book of Fears.” I have crapped out at SPL, Amazon, and Powell’s.

Hospital-focused birth is fine. The recipient is not a spawn-while-you’re-scrambling-eggs type like me.

Thanks, if anyone’s got anything. Email’s whatever at this domain if you don’t want to comment.

Tampon crafts for the masses. Garp willing I’ll be back tomorrow. Stupid life.

…About my birthday, but my baby has forgotten how to nap.

PLZ kill me now. I no longer wish to live.

So we are rocking out to this instead.

Hey wow! Another of my parent hacks is up today. This time I instruct the masses on how to get their children to safely play in traffic. Safety first, people. No, no, totally JK, it’s something less offensive than the last one.

AAAND that’s it. I have no more hacks. We spend the rest of our time just sitting in our cardboard boxes, staring at the walls.

Warning: capitalization and/or exclamation abuse may follow.

THESE SHOES SUCK.

We went to Greekfest and ate too much pastry!!!! How’s your Friday going BREECHES?

Companion says: “I want another lamb sandwich. Are they open tomorrow?” Lamb on a spit is teh crack.

Continue reading →

Strudelvision is the first hit on You Tube for the search term “DJ Assault.” Sorry, Mr. Assault.

In other, real life news, did you hear that ABC/Disney is making an ad-free drama about The National Bummer five years ago? They’re pulling Clinton into this, because apparently when you get a hummer you are letting the terrorists win. But that whole thing with The Pet Goat…that didn’t actually happen, did you hear? There’s a few interesting articles about this over on Pandagon today.

Oh well. You’re the man now, dog.

Since every day is hyperbole day in these United States, I am going to say that when you buy a Little Mermaid sleeping bag, you are letting the terrorists win.

Speaking of propaganda, I walked over to the Zoo yesterday, and there was no evidence of a Steve Irwin shrine or memorial near the south entrance. Did anyone else catch it, or was the Zoo assuming that there would be a public outpouring of cards, flowers, and little stuffed crocs that didn’t actually come to pass?

Here I am guest-appearing on Squid’s blog. Woot! I love that Squid!

Now I am just waiting for Britney Spears to start wearing Kleenex boxes on her hands. She’s debating the possibility of time travel with her husband, Malibu Federline. It’s like watching ponies try to knit, and they just can’t. Oh, lookit the ponies. They want to make the ponchos so badly.

Thanks to MQ for the link to this video. I knew it existed a few days ago, but I just wasn’t ready for it. MQ says “grrl trippin’.” HEE.

I can’t believe I am doing this, but I have to defend this behavior a little. I have had nights, especially when I was younger and freakier, where I was kind of ornery and random and ADD-led like this. There was usually beer involved, but sometimes it was just Lik-M-Aid.

The news for today is I am working on an actual forreals linky page, because I have given up on my “delicious” crapheap. It is a work in progress, because I already see mispellings, and it is not complete. I am doing the best I can with a little monkey who is penning on herself and throwing shoes out the window. UGH.

Airplane glue, take me away!