Last night I went out to dinner with my sister, and afterwards we stopped at Viet Wah, the little market that’s below the restaurant we ate at. They are in full-blown New Year mode, so the shelves are packed with seasonal candy and food.

Sometimes I just pick things up in Asian markets, even if I don’t really know what I’m getting. I wish I could read a hundred languages. Last night I picked up a large bundle wrapped in banana leaves. I gave it a big sniff and it smelled sort of sweet, so I figured it must be some kind of steamed rice cake.

“What’s that?” my sister said.

“I think it’s a big rice cake,” I said. I told her I got a small package like this in Chinatown in Vancouver a couple of years ago, and it was filled with steamed rice. “Feel it, it’s still warm.”

“Hmmm,” my sister said, prodding my bundle.

I called Companion on the way home to tell him I had scored some Pocky, some sesame candy, and something mysterious in a bundle that was probably rice, so he shouldn’t eat any of the sucky ice cream we had in the freezer.

When I came home I broke into it right away. I unwrapped the banana leaves, which was the source of the sweet smell, and found another layer of plastic wrap. Inside the second layer was something kind of…brownish.

“Oh, nuts,” I said. “It’s something savory. Meat.”

“Wow!” Companion said. “It’s PICNIC HAM!” He was seriously excited.

“What the hell is PICNIC HAM!” I said.

“Oh, well, I don’t know if that’s what it is. But I had this in some pho once, and that’s what the menu said: ‘picnic ham.’ It’s like bologna, but I think it’s more real meat.” He sounded uncertain about this last point.

“Aw, I’m sad. I wanted a rice cake fix,” I said.

“Yay! I get to have ham sandwiches tomorrow!” Companion said, bouncing around.

When the Giant Head of John Travolta closes a door made of sweet delicious carbs, he opens a window…made of mysterious steamed meat.

In Other News: It’s Just Like A Podiatrist’s Office…J/K!

It’s actually just like a mini-mall. I DEFY you to get this song out of your head. If you want to click away, at least wait until :45 so you can see the closeup of this guy.

I predict this song will be pouring out of the boomin’ systems of cars this summer. At least my car. Perhaps you would like to wait for the Neptunes’ remix.

Thanks again to the irrepressible Daniel, who has convinced me that being “just like a mini-mall” is a selling point.