Figure 1

Hey! We went to the beach. It was pretty nice. We stayed in a cabin with a kitchen, which is good for containing naughty babies, and also for making pancakes in your pajamas. It was the Kite Festival on the Long Beach Peninsula, which is pretty fricking fun. No one at this house has a particular boner for kites; we just went because August is usually the most reliable time for a vacation. And I think it only rained two or three times, so SCORE.

1. Kite Festival

Figure 2: Oh HAY it’s the world’s longest beach.

Figure 3: Licorice ice cream FTL.

Figure 4: Licorice ice cream, AKA “why god why?”

And the smell was even better! Forty-four flavors…WHY CHOOSE THAT ONE????

The beach was pretty nice. There were vendors galore. On one of the last nights we were there, we saw lighted night kites. As we were driving down the highway to get to Long Beach, a car swerved off the road and into a ditch. If they would have swerved left they would have hit us head-on.

Figure 5: The sky during the day.

Companion cranked the wheel over and threw on the hazard lights, and then jumped out to help. The elderly driver had a heart attack and could not be pulled out. He gave the poor man CPR until the police came. When he came back to the car his hands were shaking and he couldn’t drive. We had a couple of elephant ears and some deep breaths, which was pretty good medicine.

Figure 6: Obligatory Macro.

Figure 7: Kites in action!

2. Cabin Home

Figure 8: Cabin home has a flavor.

We stayed in a cute little cabin. We tried to make the naked feral dwarves sleep together as a trial run for the trip, since we were going to give them the bed and sleep on the hide-a-bed in the living room. During their trial run sleepover, they took turns pinching each other and screaming, which resulted in the big one ditching the little one outside of our bedroom door around ten o’clock. This was considered a failure.

So the big one slept in a sleeping bag, and the little one slept in her portajail, which is almost too wee now. There was some grumblings about this, to which I replied, “YA COULDA HAD THE BED, SUCKAAAAAS!” So we had the bed!

Figure 9: A Mighty Feast

A drawback of a cabin home is that there is cooking and dishes. A plus is that there is fresh sturgeon on the grill.

Figure 10

Figure 11: Sorry ladies, he’s taken.

I found this handsome fellow lurking in the corner of an antique shop that was across the street from cabin home. I bought some sherbet glasses and mismatched plates that I am about to get HELLA CRAFTY with, so stay tuned.

3. The Teaches of Beaches

Figure 12: New sand toys FTW.

There was loads of time spent on the beach, which was just a few hundred yards from our back door. The girls were screamy-delighted about going down there every day. Some days were warmer than others. It was nice to wade in the Pacific.

Figure 13: Eat them up, yum.

Franny found a fish head, among many other fish and crustacean parts. The beach has life, death, seagull tragedies, you name it. Seeing the Cycle of Life without actually falling into a thresher yourself is a good thing, I figure.

4. Oysterville

On our last day, we went to Oysterville (population 50). The houses there all have signs on them, making them hella historical. Strudel piddled near the beach, and it got all over her pants, so we threw on her big hoodie and she walked around pantsless. HA! Take that, ya little bugger. I feel like I could live there, but I would miss hobos, condo construction, and people ignoring me.

We ended up noodling around in the graveyard, which we like to do.

Figure 15: Stormin’ Norman.

Figure 16: Chief Nahcati‘s grave

The girls were fascinated by this grave, which was covered in beer cans, animal teeth, bottle caps, and many, many odds and ends. It was completely different than any of the other gringo graves in the boneyard. I was fascinated by the number of wooden grave markers, which is a pretty transient marking device in the PNW. But maybe people were just thinking about it in the short term. I mean, after your kids and grandkids die, do people really need to know your name anymore, and when you lived and died? I don’t know.

5. Jumpin’ Good Goat Dairy

One of the most fun parts of the trip was touring the Jumpin’ Good Goat Dairy, which is open on Saturdays and has a tour at 4:30. The dairy is a private residence with barns and other outbuildings. It is a family operation, and they even have their very own Tiffany Aching. They are in the process of building a cheese cave, which the owner noted, “must be bear-proof.”

Figure 17: Mommy’s Lil Milker

Part of the tour includes watching the goats get hooked up to milking machines. Franny and some other kids got a chance to do a little hand milking. She said, “Oh man. Now I smell all goaty.” Strudel spent half the tour in the composting toilet, which she found astounding. I did not find this an ideal way to spend the tour, but what can you do? I didn’t want to not believe her and then have her pee herself.

I had to grab video of the goats running to be milked. It made me laugh.

Yearlings:

Biggie Size Ones:

If you’re in the area, I recommend it. And I found out they sell their cheese downtown, so I am all set now.

6. True Confession

After all my special hand-waving, I forgot to email Franny’s stepmom to tell them exactly when we would be leaving. I have no excuse. I just forgot. I could say this is better than leaving the country without permission, etc, but I think I suck too. Oh, well. If she tries to bring it up, I will distract her by showing her my Abe Vigoda tattoo.

Tonight…ratatouille on request, now that we have seen the movie. I hope no one (cough cough Franny) is disappointed by the fact it’s merely a peasant stew.

In Other News

Naked Feral Dwarf #2 got a pixie cut. This is far superior to her bob, which I liked but still flew into her mouth at inopportune times. No more screaming at the sight of a brush, and no more sauce dreadlocks!

Now she looks like the Tiniest Vulcan.