I would have a cool $1.15 right now, I tells you. Don’t worry, I did not leave you! We are coming up on ten years with this crapheap, so I am like those creepy BEHOLD I AM WITH YOU ALWAYS Jesus paintings. If you really want to know if I died, I have a Twittergraph which is overshare central and am microblogging at Tumblr and flickr too (TOO MUCH ASSHOLE). Or you can email me. WHATEVAHS!

What happened, though, is that my registration with Godaddy was about to expire, and I was putting off re-upping it (lazy, ADD, malaise, etc.) and THEN the news broke that the CEO of Godaddy hunts elephants for fun. SAD PANDA x INFINITY. I mean fuck that. So I transferred to a new host!

I got spraytanned today! WOW! I actually look just like when I spend weeks mutating my cells the old-fashioned way. Yay to no cancer, except possibly for whatever you’re breathing in. It was funny to be naked with goop all over my hands and feet to prevent what the tanning clerk lady called “TERIYAKI FINGERS” (rad).

Tomorrow morning I am leaving for tropical vacation, hence the fake bake, and I will be back on the 15th! I will probably update before then though, because I’m bringing the slaptop. Am I also bringing my leopard dress and my head-sized earrings and my ridiculous bling blang wedges? Of course I am. Be good!

I AM WITH YOU ALWAYS.