Utter Licentiousness

Posted on by

Okay! AnEmily tells me via comments that OG Listerine is the way to go to nuke the little bitches off your head but good. Two nights of Nix and something like $40 later did not fix me up. I have the suggestive typing thing built into my browser, my favorite, and interestingly it suggested “listerine kills lice” as I began typing Listerine. Hooked on Groogle works for me.

TODAY! We have a trip to One (1) Fred Meyer! We purchase many showacaps. And generic Listerine, which was two bones cheaper and when I compared ingredients they were the same! Here I sit with OG Antiseptic Mouth Rinse on my head, dabbing at the occasional drips that leak out of my purple and white polka-dotted pink cap.

According to my learnings at the People’s Pharmacy with Joe and Terry Graedon, you can also do a second step and squirt your head with white vinegar to loosen the FLEA SPIT JIBBLIES JIBBLIES JIBBLIES JIBBLIES

…and then supposedly some of the nits will rinse out. Apparently some parents even use it as a preventive measure, spraying it in before school on Mondays. Interesting.

And when the lice are gone, I can drink the rest of the juice. HA HA, just kidding. I only drink green Listerine. Listermintz! MmmmmMMMMmm.

Tomorrow: I talk about something else beside fucking lice! I promise to let you know if the OG Antiseptic Mouth Rinse works, though.

41 thoughts on “Utter Licentiousness”

  1. So I totally get how everyone just wants to feel as if they are special and unique and junk, but do you HAVE to suck every drop of special out of every single day? Leave some for the rest of us to experience, please.

  7. I know the internets is full of advice, but the one thing that doesn’t get said enough is, no matter what you use, you MUST comb and inspect thoroughly every day (UGH) for at least two weeks. Those suckers are sticky and easy to miss and resilient.

    Also there is a preventive that smells better but is many bones: Fairy Tales Rosemary Repel spray, which they have at Salon Cool in Ballard. You could also combine the various essential oils yourself.

    I have more info and many combs if you want…

    Good luck and stay vigilant! Death to lice! This too shall pass.

  8. I have never had lice, despite sharing fluffy knit pom pom hats with the Lice Vector when I was in 1st grade (her dad refused to use any lice/nit stuff so the family kept getting reinfected. ). Were I to get lice now, I’d probably just use it as an excuse to shave my head.

    If you lived near me, I’d nit comb your hair. Mostly to say that I’ve done it. “Yeah, I’ve picked nits before. I’m a nit picker.”

  9. Wow, I feel like a Lice Guru! Definitely pick each others’ heads every day. That is key.
    Come on down to Portland and I’ll do it for you, I’m not scared.

  10. I’ve never understood those cartoons.

    As an alternative to what Amanda suggested – make some strong rosemary “tea” and use it as a final rinse for the hair. Just be sure to get some decent rosemary and not that shit that’s been sitting on the grocery shelf for 30 yrs. I’ve been poring over the herbalism books and can’t find jack on lice for some reason. But I can prolly cure the high blood pressure you’re sure to have over all this!

  11. In case the Listerine doesn’t work (dog forbid), here’s what our pediatrician told us last time we were lousy:

    The lice that are chomping scalps nowadays are NIX RESISTANT! You thought antibiotic overuse was a problem? The superbugs to worry about suck your blood.

    Thus, the preferred mode of attack, for the present and the future, is not to poison them but to smother the little bastards. Cetaphil (or the generic equivalent), slathered over head, hair, scalp. Blow dry. Wrap head in a towel. Rock back and forth for awhile. After a buncha hours (like, overnightish), comb out with the fine tooth comb. Mutter under breath.

    Possibly the Cetaphil works in part by melting their little exoskeletons, but mostly it’s the smothering that kills them.

    I understand that in wealthy suburbs, there are salons with nit-pickers on staff.

  14. OMG WE have done the lice thing and IT FUCKING SUCKS! LMK if the listerine really works. I nixed my DD so many times the DOCTOR said no mas!
    My advice; every damn thing your head touched has to go into a big plastic bag for 3 weeks OR in the washer on hot. My couch was packed away for weeks!!
    My BF is a hairdresser and says; lice prefer clean hair. So the dirty girl lice story; way off. People still think it though.

  16. For sum reasons, my husband and I have had a running joke for years about being “practically flea free.” I have no idea where it came from. I think it was a spin off of some comment about my hygiene? Like, he maybe suggested I wash my hair and my reply was that I was ‘practically flea free.’ It occurs to me that your house has been on the verge of being practically lice free for a little while now. Must be maddening. My prayers are with you that the OG Listeria works its magics.

  17. Actually the very best thing for nits is tea tree oil. Mix some with ordinary shampoo and comb the little buggers out to rid thyself of the infestation. It’s really cheap too (which never goes astray) here in Australia, but I’m not sure how cheap it is in Merica – or how easy it is to find. (Just googled – it says Walmart but the internet can lie. :P )

    Then to stop getting nits ever again, mix a couple of drops with water and put it in a mister spray bottle. Spray the kids’ heads, or your own before leaving – not enough to smell (which is a sort of lemony tangy smell anyway), but it sure puts nits off.

    My kids had nits almost everyday for a week when they were going to their old school, until I started spraying them after the last de-nittation – then nothing.

    Bonus is that tea tree oil kills/helps kill bacteria, so you can also put it on cuts and stuff when your kids hurt themselves.

Comments are closed.