What’s up, Xmas humpers? Life is pretty good because my BFF is in town, and I may get to see her once or twice. She is a busy lady. I am on one of my cooking sprees, of course, due to being trapped in the house all holiday style. Yesterday I started drinking eggnog at about three NOM and it made me all sleepy by dinner, but my secret superpower is that I can take a wee tiny mininap where I just shut down, wake up in ten minutes, and can go five more hours. I do it a lot when I am flying or traveling. I jumped up and literally started doing high kicks, and then put the crab cakes in.

Xmas Eve means seafood. I have read that this is an Italian tradition, but for once when I was growing up they were out of the picture on Xmas eve. My stepfather was allergic to fish, but he would stay out getting tossed all Xmas eve, so my mom would serve it. Now I grow up and it is a happy tradition. Hell, it always was happy, because it meant he would be gone til the wee hours so I didn’t have to be mute and careful. I loved any meal where I was allowed to speak.

Years later it is no mystery why I hated holidays for years. I remember one year on his birthday, also December, we made a cake and wrapped his gifts and he didn’t show up. It got later and later and I was sent to bed. In the early morning he came home and my mom threw his cake at him. I slept through one of these messes, for once.

So I made crab cakes and quick boiled and chilled unpeeled shrimp to peel and eat with cocktail sauce and there was some funky rice mix thing and those fail carrots from the backyard. Also rolls that looked like little sofas. Tonight I am making Fucking Beef Wellington (scratch save the frozen puff pastry) and potatoes and trifle for dessert.

I used to make stock from scratch and everything from scratch, but I am taking shortcuts this year as I am not entertaining. Often that doesn’t matter, I will do it all from scratch anyway, but I am not quite fully in it this year. I’m really pretty happy right now (happy-ish…I could do with some more moneys) but I feel like I am in some kind of weird zen undead Bodhisattva Zombie Jesus phase where I am not quite here. I am one foot in the home and hearth, and one foot out in the world, and a mysterious third foot deep inside my head. The result of this is that my house is not very clean and the gravy is coming out of a jar, but this too shall pass. I will find my feet and know what I want to do again.

Speaking of moneys, I am officially hired for retail job, beyond Xmas. I think I can get forty hours, which means survival and a little beyond. There is this part of me that knows that I am competent and good with people face-to-face, and it turns out I can sell like a motherfucker (WHO KNEW?) so of course my boss pulled me out of the rest of the holiday rabble. There is this other part of me that is a little sad that this is what I am excelling at right now, but, you know, if I flunked out of my holiday job, that would be even worse for my self of steam.

Yesterday I applied for three more writing/editing positions. I see jobs I want, I see jobs I should be able to get, but I am sure they are being filled my ass kicking asskickers with like loads of experience on me. I am slumming it in retail and they are slumming it at my level. Craptacos.