So, last night I took my sister to Warren G, which, who knew what that was going to be like? I had to know. Before one of the openers even started, this guy came by and sat next to us and was all HELLO LADIES. He began explaining his shirt, because there were some things that were important for us to know.
“This shirt cost $30,” he said. “Who pays $30 for some COTTON, I said?”
“You?” I ventured.
“I did!” he said. “I have had four shots of Patron and three long island iced teas. This is my third. Do you want a drink?”
“No thanks, I have to work early,” I said.
“AHHHH if someone offered me a drink I would say, ‘HOW MANY? THREE?”
“You’re very kind,” I said.
“I had to get this shirt, though, because it says 1984 on it, and that is when I was born, and there are UNICORNS and I am a Sagittarius, so it’s PERFECT. Do you want this?” he asked, offering me the rest of his tea.
“Oh no,” I said. He gave us the eyeball.
“Are you two…a couple?” he asked. This happened again later after some drunk girl was hanging on me as support, she asked me if my sister and I were a couple as well. Please don’t touch me. I don’t get out much.
Morgan was flipping out about it a little bit.
“WHAT’S THE DEAL?” she asked. “I’M A MARRIED LADY.”
“Oh,” I said, looking around. “We are not wearing tube tops. There’s just not enough flesh showing. I mean, you’re wearing a scarf.”
“I’m cold,” Morgan said.
“Look at these hip hop bitches,” I said. They were all with doofy looking guys who were wearing three times as much clothes as they were. “I could get some of these hip hop bitches if I had a few DUIs, a penis, and a couple baby mamas.”
“Well, you’re close,” Morgan said. “All you need is the penis.”
Grynch was the best part. We’re going to see him when we can. They Live! was pretty good also.