Act Your Age, Not the Size of Those Pants You Wear

I really do need to tell you about the frat boy booty grinding incident last Saturday when I was out with Ruby, especially since someone on the Twitter asked me to elaborate. What do you want me to write about? What do you want to know? I am curious. OK I swear I will stop posting PM convos and make a real post soon, sorry. Also it is important for you to know that all I care about is Longmont Potion Castle and my next husband Dirk Funk and finding a new contract. Mine is expiring!

LF:      and I’m like, this is so unfair
Me:     It is so rare that I am rude like that
LF:     You know what’s gross, fucking ball sack. Do I complain? I do not.
Me:      It is unfair
Me:     LOLOLOL
Me:     Have you ever babysat for baby boys?
LF:     No, I’ve never babysat
Me:     Ah
LF:     …I’ve actually never held a baby before
Me:    Well, poopy diapers are no fun for boys or girls, as I’m sure you can imagine
LF:     Eek.
Me:     You know how nutsacks are like loose and floppy and slide over something firm…
Me:     And they are sensitive
LF:     yes
LF:     heh
Me:     So when babies poop the poop gets all over their nutsacks
LF:     oh god
Me:     It is really really hard to get sticky paste off that surface
Me:     Women say “boys are easier” but I think of that
LF:     these are issues I have just never imagined
Me:      I would rather have my moody girls with their crevices
LF:     haha for sure
Me:      Sometimes when i see balls I think about how they have spent months dunked in their own shit
Me:     And I am like, really, you want me to lick those
Me:     Ok I know they are clean
LF:     I actually just laughed so loud
Me:    Good
Me:       I am in a mood!
LF:     They’re so weird. I’ve always thought balls are weird.
Me:      THEY ARE
Me:      Internal genitalia is awesome
LF:     Hurray!

(Whoa, WordPress won’t let me just drop the link in today, it embeds. Sorry.)

8 thoughts on “Act Your Age, Not the Size of Those Pants You Wear

  1. Cleaning poo off of sack is pretty much my life right now.. It’s far worse with the meconium (that shit is sticky.. puns aside)
    Never really thought I’d be typing that sentance.. at least not until I started needing to pay more attention to ‘depends’ commercials.

  2. Sweet Jeesus. Hi five for moody crevices. Close friend of mine has 3 boys – 4 and under. NO THANK YOU.

  3. How did we get from grinding to shitty balls? What DON’T we wanna know about the connection between you and frat-boy booty dancing?

  4. Good god yes, crevices much easier than sack to clean. I blame misogyny for the long-held myth that cleaning baby crevices are worse.

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