Were you there, the day the lion escaped from the zoo? Actually, it was more like in the zoo, but that doesn’t really matter, does it?

I was there, because I was looking for you. I remember that my back hurt, and then when I went to scratch my face I noticed the sleeve of my shirt smelled funny. I think it’s because Cooper sneezed right next to me when I was in line. On me. I’m sure of it.

I looked up because people were screaming. Wouldn’t you? That means something is wrong, right? We’re all like monkeys if you think about it. Screaming is an instinct; we don’t do it for ourselves, we do it to alert the other monkeys.

People ran and little kids let go of their balloons. I had to fight the urge to watch them drifting off into the air, because I still hadn’t figured out what happened. Holy fuck it was hot. I dropped my cigarette but remembered to stomp on it. I ignored all of the proper receptacles because I figured that’s what you’d do. Everyone was disappearing. There were a bunch of strollers that were knocked over when the moms ran away; I could see that they were shielding their kids’ heads like moms always do in war footage. Like that could protect a baby’s head from a land mine.

I stood still and looked around for you. Just to see you just once. I don’t know why you keep ignoring me. I said I was sorry, didn’t I? How many times? Do you want me to say it again? You say you don’t want anything from me- but what should I do if I still want something from you?

The people left a big mess behind and I was noticing it all. Then I looked up and saw a lion. They look bigger on TV, you know? Even though my TV is smaller. It is easy to imagine lions stomping around on the veldt and being totally gigantic, but they’re not. You know what’s weird? I wasn’t scared, because I knew if I just thought hard enough you’d show up. I knew you would be drawn to that spot.

The lion looked around. She made a noise that was sort of like a humming or a groaning. I wondered if she’d ever even seen this part of the zoo. I didn’t think so, because she was staring awfully hard at the penguins. So I waited. She walked around a little. It occurred to me then, where were the zookeepers, with their hateful hooks and zappers? They weren’t there yet. The lion saw me, and I was standing totally still, just breathing.

For a second I thought I could be in trouble because I thought of all those people at the zoo who go, “meow meow, kitty kitty kitty” to the lions and that must get really annoying, to hear that all day, don’t you think?. Maybe she would think I was one of those stupid people? She walked towards me then, totally silently. I could see her muscles working under her skin and she was breathing “hnngh, hnggh, hnggh” like she was tasting the air that was around me. Was I good to eat? Probably not, I have eaten almost nothing but Ho-Ho’s and coffee since your last email, even though I know you don’t care to hear that. My mom brought me a 96 pack from Costco that she bought before she went on Dr. Adkin’s and I don’t feel like making a proper meal so there you go.

She came up on me and looked really hard. Her eyes were so beautiful, I felt like she was trying to tell me something. I thought what if they made the lassie movies with lions instead of dogs? Dogs always look so vapid on film, don’t they? Their eyes always look so empty and you can see them glancing at their trainer all the time, if you really look. But if they used lions and you could film into their eyes and you would really believe that Lassie was really trying to tell Timmy something, don’t you think?

The lioness sniffed my hand. I was so calm I knew at that moment that it didn’t matter if she bit my hand off; I wouldn’t scream. It would just be a perfect moment. And I just knew you were there out of sight. You were smarter than me and hid behind the bushes, I’ll bet. Her breath was so hot it tickled my hand. If it wasn’t so fucking ungodly hot out I bet her breath would have left vapor on my hand. I wanted to pet her but I thought that would be disrespectful, somehow, like we were equals or she was better than me, even. People shouldn’t pet lions. I was thinking that when she turned around and walked off.

It made me think about how we met on the boat. I felt like you were a person with Strong Convictions and no one could play you out. You were always so flip, you kept all of those dicks from saying mean things to me. You said, “we’re the only two women here, we have to stick together,” and you were right, except for the cook, but I guess you weren’t counting her since she couldn’t speak English very well. Do you remember how she would take vegetables out of the bins and turn them into penises before she’d cook them. A zucchini, with two limes for balls. Sometimes they’d have little smiling faces cut into them. I said I thought it was funny that she fed them to all of us when a lot of the men used to make fag jokes all day.

This is the part that maybe you didn’t see? The lion went around the corner and I followed her. I said “what is it Lassie, is Timmy down the well?” and I went after her. If you heard me you would have thought it was funny. I thought maybe she was trying to show me something. She went back to SavannaLand or whatever the fuck they’re calling it now. I was very surprised to see her going that way, since that’s where the lions are locked up. The lioness turned to look at me and she whipped her tail a little, very softly, like she was thinking and then I watched her disappear back into her cage.

It was a good thing, too, because about four zookeepers came around the corner in a golf cart and jumped out and asked “where is it?” and I pointed back to the cage. They shut it and murmured about how lucky everyone was not to have gotten hurt and sent me out. They said I could get a refund, even though it it’s always half price when the temperature’s over 100.

Do you remember what you said about the veggie penises? I do. You picked up a big crab and whacked it in half and threw it on the pile. I remember you were ripping the legs off as punctuation for what you were saying. You said, “SJ, I guess you have penis art envy.” We laughed so hard I thought we were going to fall off the side of the boat. You can write and tell me if you were there, but if you don’t that’s OK because I know you were.

Always,

SJ

PS Cooper says he wants his scarf back, even though he never uses it. (Don’t tell him I said that.)