It’s one of those days. One of the days when I am afraid to leave the house. I shagged every person I have ever met or thought about in my dreams last night, and that includes vicars and immobile persons with head injuries.

It is possible I would attack a UPS man or woman if they were foolish enough to come to the door. I may begin feeling up total strangers at the grocery store. Perhaps I would give a lamp post a hickey. I require sedation to be kept in captivity today.

Damn you hormones! They rule our lives in so many ways. Half of the month is spent ferreting chocolate for emergencies, and the other half is spent giving innocent people puncture wounds with my teeth. I should channel all this energy into some spanky crackerjack writing, but I fear the result would be stump porn set in a whorehouse during Vulcan mating season.

I just looked at that last sentence and I’m not sure what it means. I believe I am ovulating.