A.D.I.D.A.R.B.

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1. All I can think about is, “Why am I not holding a Red Bull in my grasping claws right now?” Or as we say around here, “Red BOO!” My big kid’s a freaking literalist and she’s even worse now that she can bang a couple of letters together.

Me: Red BOO! What! What!
Franny, reading: Reeeed Booo-ul. MOM! That says “Red Bull!” Not “red boo.”
Me: Red boo.
Franny: Can I try some?
Me: No. You wouldn’t like it anyway.
Franny: What does it taste like?
Me: It tastes like sweet pee.
Franny: EW, MOM!
Me: Mmmm, sweet pee.
Franny: Can I try some? Please?

I love that stuff so much, and I know it’s eating my insides or tarnishing my soul or something. Don’t care. I could put my shoes on and go down to the store and buy one, but it’s much easier to sit here and finger yearn about it.

2. This weekend was an absolute blur, in part because I had plans on both Thursday and Friday, too. I am in a better mood than I was on Wednesday, or whenever it was that I posted that desperate post about drowning in urine. I don’t think I could work in any personal care type industries, because I am so tired of bodily fluids. Sometimes I don’t even want to go pee, so I won’t have to deal with my own. We have had less accidents for the past few days, but don’t think for a minute that there’s not going to be BACKSLIDING.

We took the kids to see Ratatouille, which went pretty well, other than the twelvedy visits to the lobby and the screaming and the fighting over the popcorn, and the running up and down our row, which was empty. Fortch, we were totally surrounded by breeders and they were all in their own personal hells as well. I love that environment, where parents can all suffer together. We nod at each other at parks and stuff as our kids are stripping off their clothes for the fortieth time that morning. I love that there are places for kids, and places that are not for kids. Hi-five, humans.

3. ANYWAYZ, oh hi, did I mention I am going to…

In part because of you people voting for me to get in for free. I probably won’t be able to go next year; I’ll be too busy sucking dick for drug money. I mean, “it will probably be out of my price range.” This shit is bananas expensive, especially Chicago. You could probably go and do that hostel thing, and get in for free due to volunteerism, and live on nothing but creamers and ketchup for three days, but I am using this as a vacation.

The best news, of course, is that I am bunking with Liz of Badgerbag fame (among others), and Shauny from WNP. Astute readers may recall that Shauny was my hostess with the mostest for a couple of years. I “met” her in ’01 but have not met her IRL. I bunked with Liz during one night of Blogher last year after meeting her for the first time after being blog friends for three years.

This internet thing, it’s kind of weird, yes? I still boggle sometimes.

One thing I am sad about is that I still don’t seem to have the internets embedded in my arm (I would give up fine motor coordination…my left arm is useless anyway) so I will be analog again this year.

Here’s a weird question: if you were going to meet someone famous, and you had a part for them in something, would you just bust up to them and tell them? Does anyone do this? This is relevant, I swear.

I have pictures to show you but my house is so messy that I can’t find my camera’s USB cable or my magic stick. SJ FTL.

16 thoughts on “A.D.I.D.A.R.B.”

  1. i’m excited to hear all about VagFest.

    “red boo” gives me nausea. i hate the ground up children’s tylenol aftertaste. ;) now, coffee, that’s true love. i’d better go make some now.

  2. Oh, SJ, get over yourself. Just walk up to her and say, “Heather, I’ve got this idea for some bitchin’ poop-porn.” She’ll be, all, “I’m OWN it! So to speak.”

  5. Ratatouille was great. Played hooky on Friday and went to see it.
    As for the “meet someone famous” question, depends on who, under what circumstances I was going to meet them, and what the project was.
    If I were going to some creepy mega-church to meet kirk cameron, I would have no problem pitching “All dogs go to heaven.. except yours because he humped your leg which makes him a homosexual and damned for all eternity”
    or similarly if I were to meet the Ex-Mrs. Federline at some sleezy hollywood party, I would similarly feel comfortable offering to operate a night-vision camera to help restart her career.
    I think flipping those would be disastrous in so many ways.
    It’s all about context.

  6. No, no, baby, you gotta play it cool likes with these superstar cats! Talking them up is all good, but solicitation on your first date… not so much. Tank has done the full-court press on recognizable names on several occasions and it /usually/ has not gone well. You’re better keepin’ it real, and if you can slip in some talk about your project, great, but use the opportunity to gauge their interest, rather than a direct pitch.

  8. I’ll bet the camera’s cable is behind the couch.
    You’re on your own for the magic stick.

  9. OK, this is interesting because I have developed a horrible Red Bull habit. I only had it once. It is clearly addictive.

    I drink Red Bull in order to keep me off Rock Star, the hard stuff.

    God, never drink Rock Star because if Red Bull is addictive Rock Star are like Pringles made out of heroin.

  11. Thanks Brigid. Are you going to be there? I am actually from outside Chicago, but I haven’t lived there in forever, so all I know is the basic layout of the city and transportation.

    I usually just like to follow my nose. I hardly ever plan things down to the last detail.

  12. Probably not. The only conventions I go to are comic conventions where I can sell sketches and make fun of attendees in horrible costumes over dinner, later on. I thought about it, because… hey. It’s a convention, and it’s IN CHICAGO. I wouldn’t have to travel. But laziness and cheapness won out.

    If you’re planning on using public transit, refresh your memory at http://www.transitchicago.com because there’s been some changes to the routes– including the train routes.

  13. Thanks! I’ve already looked at it. There’s something on the site about save our transit? Yikes!

  14. Red bull is for wimps. I’ve been downing “Monster” energy drinks (the “assault” flavor is the best IMHO). 16oz instead of those puny shot glasses like Red Bull, and at least twice as much caffeine and questionable non-FDA approved stimulant additives.

    It says right on the can “Limit 3 per day. Not for consumption by children, pregnant women, or people sensitive to caffeine.”

    I had 4 today. And got a nosebleed. It rocked.

    If these things came with a frikkin’ IV hookup they’d be perfect….

  15. You are way more hardcore than me. I, like Ozma, have backed away from the big guns. But I will probably be abusing them in Chicago.

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