Back, and To The Left

I used to come to you with a Festival of Ranting, but now I only come with a Celebration of Tiredness. I am pretending my spazziness is sort of like a small town parade or something, with beaded necklaces for the crowd and handfuls of the cheapest and most putrid candy for the kids. Does there get to be a point when you have experienced the same thing so many times that you get sort of resigned to it? I suppose there is a point like that. I have a fucking crystal ball about how things like this turn out, so if you want to be surprised, read no further. I am going to pretend that this is a Harry Potter fansite and conspiracy theory away. *CONTAINS SPOILERS*

My big kid, Franny, dropped a bomb on me before she went back to her dad’s house. Or maybe it’s nothing, I can’t tell. She said that her father, Seattle Federline, wants to take his family and move to an island here, which would put her about an hour and a half away, including ferry crossing and traffic. And this assumes that downtown traffic to my house isn’t messed up. Currently they are about ten minutes away from us a couple of neighborhoods away.

Fact One: Job Sitch


Long-time readers may know that other than finally finishing college about a year ago after dropping out five or six times, SeaFed hasn’t been up to much. I saw him a couple of months ago and he said he was “laying down some tracks” in a studio. Or maybe I am just imagining that he talks like the cool characters from WKRP in Cincinnati, I’m not sure. He told me he had a job in insurance, which he seemed slightly ashamed of, because his father worked in insurance. But looking back, he has seemed slightly ashamed of every decent job he’s ever had.

Supposition about Fact One:
Historically, he has been enthusiastic about new ventures such as respectable work for about six months or so. I think he’s been doing this for about nine months now, so…dun dun DUUUUNNNN! I think he’s going to find a away to quit, replaced by a new venture. Students of Life may have noticed this is a good way to get nowhere.

Possible Fact Two: House Sitch


This next part is pure supposition, but I think it’s a pretty good one. In 2001 we moved into the little box he currently resides in with Lady Federline the Second. His father bought it so he could get into house-flipping, and he was supposed to have it done in a year. His father also tried to put the house in our name so we would own it outright, which I balked at. Reason one was that I couldn’t take a house as a gift, and resaon two was that I had a feeling that if SeaFed owned it, he wouldn’t ever leave.


So I suspect that once my difficult ass (see above) was out of the picture, his father signed the house over to him, which means his wife owns it too. Doubtless it is still rent-free, as it always was. So I think he is sitting on a pretty big asset.

Fact Three: Island

I know that SeaFed’s mother-in-law has property on the island they told Franny they are moving to, and a few months ago when I heard he was recording music, he also said that he was thinking about moving in with his wife’s mother since she can’t care for the large property herself anymore. He said that they would be splitting a house somewhere, and I feel like he said Shoreline, but I may be misremembering that. I suppose in hindsight this was his way of telling me. I am sad to hear that SeaFed’s mil is going to to get drawn into his web of sucky spongery, but she doesn’t know him like I do.

Supposition about Fact Three: Looks like they are moving in with mommy.

Crystal Ball Moment


It’s easy to draw conclusions at this point. I think SeaFed is going to sell the little house his father gave him, quit his job to “focus on his music,” move into the house on the island, and live on the profits of the house, which may be 400K (my rough guess considering the neighborhood and the size of the house). For fun, I have decided to lay these predictions down to see how close I get.

The thing that chaps my ass is that before he’s talked to me, and I assume before this is concrete, is that he’s telling Franny her schedule’s going to change, and that she is going to spend weekends with them and weekdays with us. Meaning I get to do all the nasty weekday school hustle without any of the fun weekend stuff. Yeeeaah….NO. I predict mediation in the future if he actually tries to change the parenting plan in a way that would be so detrimental.

Comments are open for other predictions on how this clusterfuck will turn out.

5 thoughts on “Back, and To The Left

  1. You may rely on the idea that Seattle is a little over saturated in the housing market so he may have to settle for a lesser price on his home. Or, if his tracks are anything like (real)Federline, you can be assured they suck donkey ball.

  2. I think him having money is good, because then he can take care of my kid. So I am not wishing poverty on him. I was just hoping that things would stay the same for a little while longer. But I see your point about the housing market, especially as it is a non-desirable neighborhood.

    He doesn’t suck, per se. He’s just practicing an extremely obscure and non-lucrative art form.

  3. I feel that you are not wishing him ill. I just keep waiting for his karma to kick in. I don’t think that he is very happy in his life, though, so maybe it already has.

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