Dear MF Diary,

October was like WHOA! And also like bam! and biff! and socko! But there were some fun parts, too. It’s weird how you can have fun in a month and still be glad it’s over. I turned thirty last month, did I tell you? It was nice. I forgot to take pictures. I drank something like three scotches and when I woke up the next morning I had Smoky Pee Effect. That’s alarming, mkay? I think I want to drop back down to the 100-level courses in pee altering, which just involves asparagus and B vitamins.

1. Franny had a nice birthday. Some girls came in costume and they had a pretty good time. There was an unholy sugar crash at one point and one girl got really paranoid and accused the other girls of all looking at her meanly. Awesome sugar crash paranoia!

Two guests came totally uninvited, even after I had talked to both of their parents about it and it was clear that only certain members of the family were on the invite. I think it’s fair to let kids invite who they want, without including siblings. But what can you do when children come, present in hand, all excited? SIGH. I suspect Miss Manners would say to scratch them off the invite list next time.

You know what’s worse than dealing with rude people? Being a person who actually gives a shit about social decorum.

ANYWAY. That is my special issue, and Franny had a good time. I keep my special issues off her, especially on a party day. I remember my stepfather grabbing me by the arm at family events and hissing, “Everyone thinks you’re acting like an obnoxious brat.” Now I realize that “everyone” meant “him.” Others probably thought I was acting like what a was: a seven-year-old.

We made eyebawls for the kiddies. These are kind of surprisingly tasty. I expected them to just be okay and for them to look better than they tasted, but I couldn’t stop eating them. NOM NOM NOM. There may be eyebawls for xmas this year. FESTIVE!

I guess I used the wrong kind of glue, because the moisture from the mozzarella balls made the tiered fat blunt plate come apart, and one the glasses shattered. I got them all apart, and the plates were fine, so I will reglue with a new glass and proper waterproof glue. Preferably before FANGSGIVING.

2. Things Continue to Be Put Into Jars

Lo, babydaddy continues to prepare for the Pockyclypse (this is a mystical time in the unknown future when the skies will rain Pocky, but not the good flavor, so citizens will loot and panic. Only Mans Pocky can save us!).

So he’s making some Fauxbord that won’t be ready for another year. Limoncello takes five weeks! Fauxbord FTL. Until next year. When it will be Fauxbord FTW. I am allowed to change my mind.

Also, the Last of the Famous International Green Tomatoes.

My secret is: I don’t know if I want to eat these. They look like the might make you want to talk to squirrels or something.

3. Halloween for Buttpickles

There will be NO pictures of Strudel, who refused to put on her Mousewitch costume.

OOOH! It’s a scary devil!

Pre-dinner:

Post-dinner:

She crazy trick-or-treated, came home and gobbled, and then got a stomachache. The next morning while she was hungover I bought her loot off her with something she’s been coveting. And Companion took all the extras to work and the Giant-Assed bowl disappeared in about a half an hour. I guess killing off your co-workers is one promotion strategy.

4. Speaking of, he’s at an interview right NAO! A six-hour one. Which could lead to dental insurance instead of out of pocketses.

As for SeaFed and the Amazing Parenting Plan Adventure, he is supposed to be moving December 1 and he is still dithering about a mediator I suggested. He shoved it off on me to find a mediator, I did, and now he says he is going to call her today, even after she sent a very informative email. This makes me nervous, because she is going to figure some things out about him right off the bat (which she would eventually anyway), or he is going to try to figure out if he can use her to his advantage, OR he is going to blurt some infos. It’s like having a big unruly dog that you can’t take anywhere. This can’t be good.

The end.