HEY. How was your weekend? Did you wonder if I am dead? No such luck. Although I did have a few dreams where the IUD punctured my uterine wall as if I was riddled with scurvy. It seems to be taking okay, and the cramps have subsided.
I also had another dream which is one of the most absurd ones I’ve ever had. The girls were on the counter and Strudel pulled her pants down. I was worried she was going to fall so I grabbed her, and she fell over on top of me, and her butthole went right on my nose. Companion showed up and looked over the counter.
“I have poop on my nose, don’t I?” I said.
“Yeah,” he said.
Analyze that, chakra-pokers.
Also this weekend I had a dinner party. I made a giant, giant ham for the first time ever. I was never that interested in ham, but I am tired of cooking other things, and I wanted something springlike to eat. It came out of the oven and was like Wall of Ham. My tastes have really changed. Ten years ago I hated hams. Now I think I can eat donkey scrot. I dunno.
You may recall that I went to San Fransisco in January to do a reading for Can I Sit With You?, which was fantastically fun. So now there is going to be a not free reading on April 25th at the Annex Theatre.
How it worked last time is that you can show up, listen to stories, and no one will hold you upside down and shake you. Or you can buy/bring a book, have it signed, or drop a little money in the hat. I will be out drinking after. NOM. Also, because I know you huffed too much glue, I will remind you when it gets closer. You should come, so I don’t have to stand on your lawn and read loudly at 3 a.m. That could get embarrassing for everyone involved.
OKAY UPDATE: EPIC FAIL! It is not free. See comments. For the admission price Companion says I should wear one of my cocktail dresses too. DAMMIT. Sorry, Shannon. I feel conflicted now because this is for a good cause, but expensive.