In Which The Princess Is Not In Another Castle

Last night we went to the 4,000th Survivor’s Banquet for the Puget Sound Mycological Society. There were about 100 people there so I guess a lot of people survive. They had a few schmancy chefs and everything was all mushrooms all the time. Mushroom soup. Mushroom salad. I encountered mushroom pataaaaay. Then, of course, the chicken had a mushroom ragout on it. The dessert was shaped like a mushroom, but did not contain mushrooms (I think).

The servers were pouring champagne for a toast as one of the founding members had died recently. I was sipping on mine and a server came up and topped my glass. “You’re going to want to SAVE some champagne for the toast,” she told me sternly. I just looked at her. I felt like I had just Bushuru’ed all over the flower arrangement or something.

Someone was awarded the Golden Mushroom award, and I found it awesome that such a thing exists. You get a golden chanterelle pin, which is at least worth the price of admission. This is a crowd that obviously enjoys their NOMs if they are willing to go out in the natures and procure it themselves. So after dinner, the schmancy main chef and pastry chef, who are members, came out and spoke. Where else can you go to a banquet where the chef speaks?

On the way there I saw a billboard hawking something called Moonvertising. Since I don’t yet have the internet in my arm, I flipped out and called a couple of my friends. “Explain this fuckery,” I demanded, but they could not. When I came home, I googled it and discovered Rolling Rock, which is the shittest beer on the planet, is threatening to become the shittiest beer on the moon as well.

I know I fall under the category of “crackpot” in about twelve different ways before noon, but I find this idea, even in jest, infuriating. It has to be not a huge deal because none of the real news services have picked it up. I think they are going to get a lot of attention but I think it will backfire.

When I got to the part in The Time Machine where the moon cracked up like a broken molar I cried while reading it. I have had nightmares since I was a little kid about people fucking with the moon and it always freaks me out. It was hard to get to sleep last night. Not much bothers me in the scheme of “idiocy the rest of the world is up to” but I will take to the streets with a pitchfork if they try this.

PS, your moonvertising site is slow and sucks, and even my grandma who tried to answer a mouse that she thought was ringing once knows it. YOU SUCK.

18 thoughts on “In Which The Princess Is Not In Another Castle

  1. de-lurking to say i will pitchfork with you! moonvertising is not funny and neither is Rolling Rock. you however are VERY funny, and i am so glad you write like this for all to see. it distracts me from that “idiocy the rest of the world is up to” and probably keeps me from actually assaulting people with farm tools. the moonvertisers are asking for it though.

  2. I was hoping that was just another of their really stupid fake ad campaigns. Maybe that was somebody else… Blah, stupid yucky beer advertizing–they better not f* up the moon!

  3. Hm. I thought it was kind of funny since they are making fun of moonvertising and ergo of coke. But I don’t drink beer. I have fond memories of Rolling Rock from my former beer drinking days. How sad is that? Reminds me of youth!~

  4. They have also named march 3rd official Rolling Rock day as all their beer bottles have a 3/3 on them, however there is no place in the world that seems to know what this means including the Rolling Rock website. My theory is their to dumb to advertise on the moon they don’t even know what their bottles say.

  5. Moonvertising debunked or not, there is a plan, so far unrealized, to use space in space for advertising–see the Sut Jhally doc “Advertising and the End of the World.” Chilling stuff in each moment…

  6. So, for one thing, if they shine their logo on the moon, I’m pretty sure they void their own trade mark protection.

    Also, section 1 of Article 7 of the United Nations Moon Treaty of 1979 states:

    “Article 7
    1. In exploring and using the moon, States Parties shall take measures to prevent the disruption of the existing balance of its environment whether by introducing adverse changes in that environment, by its harmful contamination through the introduction of extra-environmental matter or otherwise. States Parties shall also take measures to avoid harmfully affecting the environment of the earth through the introduction of extraterrestrial matter or otherwise.”

    And I’m fairly confident that altering the moon’s subjective albedo by shining lasers on it would qualify as “harmful contamination”.

    Finally, the Moon Treaty also states that”

    “The establishment of military bases, installation and fortifications, the testing of any type of weapons and the conduct of military manoeuvres on the moon shall be forbidden….”

    Lasers, even non-lethal ones (though I doubt a laser powerful enough to reach the moon would be nonlethal at close range), are weapons. Firing a weapon system at the moon would seem to be a further violation of the Moon Treaty.

    In sum, your pitchforks should not be necessary.

  7. ZOMG I had the same reaction to the moonvertising thing! I called my partner and railed all the way home til I could look at the website!

  8. Woot! The Golden Mushroom-almost as snazzy as the Golden Wedgie(a mini statue of our famous Wedgewood boulder), awarded for winning the local library poetry contest. :)

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