TODAY WAS A GOOD DAY

DEAR FUCKERS,

I can has new jerb, telecommuting from home. I LOVE TELECOMMUTING, I EAT ALL THE BLUEBERRIES. I think I am starting at the end of the month. And I am looking at houses like mad! Looks like moving this summer for the first time in four years. So I am a little AGGGH and OMG and WHOA at the moment. But I aen’t ded. How you doin. I have new pictures up on Flickr and I am only slightly fatter, uglier, and older than the blog you married nine years ago.

Royal O’Reilly Tenenbaum (1932-2001) Died Tragically Rescuing His Family From The Remains Of A Destroyed Sinking Battleship

For the past few days I have had the (mis?)fortune of commuting with P., who will take up the entire bus ride with whatever his obsession of the moment is. I admire him a lot of the time, because he takes a more scientific and curious view of the natural and historical world, whereas I am usually hovering somewhere between shadenlulz and Machivellian on the What is SJ Up to Today? chart. Lately he is thinking about math. BARF OUT. Did I tell you I did 5 years in algebra with no time off for good behavior? In the end I knew the system. I was on light laundry duty and I even had copies of the keys. They had to let me out eventually, though.

So yesterday, on the bus.

“I was thinking about the quadratic equation,” P. said.

“Noooo,” I said. “Just no.”

“Well, what I was thinking was about how it originated, like how it was originally compiled and I…”

“Oh my GOD,” I interrupted. “I forgot to tell you. On the way home yesterday, I could not believe it, there was a BASKET OF KITTENS on the street!”

“What?”

“Yes, and the bus driver did not notice and he RAN THEM OVER,” I continued.

“WHAT?”

“YES! And most of them were squished and you could see their little guts in the road all pink and smashed, and kitty heads, and THE SCREAMING OH GOD THE SCREAMING and the worst part is that SOME WERE CUT IN HALF AND WERE STILL ALIVE OH GOD I CANNOT LOCK THESE CAPS ANY HIGHER!”

“Oh Jesus,” P. said.

“Yes,” I said.

“I feel sad and nauseated now.”

“Well, that is how I feel when you speak to me about math,” I said.

En D’Autres Nouvelles

I am going to see Binary Star with Ruby on the 17th! I got into them about a year ago and then sort of wandered off. I think they’re great, though. I am surprised they are not touring on an album. When I heard they were coming, I assumed this was Splashy Comeback, but maybe they are ramping up. I love their sound. They really should have blown up when they put their albums out ten years ago. They really have that Midwest/Detroit sound, which makes me think of Eminem when he was all ye olde rap battle guy, but in a good way–there’s something about the cadences and rhyming patterns. The best part is that it is walking distance to my house, woot. I’m certain it will be better than Warren G, because really, a poke in the eye will probably be better than Warren G. Ruby won a concert package for the whole year, so she is making me Official Hiphop Ambassador on her tour. (I am the best she can come up with, heh heh.)

So, I think she is launching a blog, which I will link here, but I am thinking about giving my take along with her. This might call for a new category.

It Are December Post Some Fucking Lipton

Do I sound bitter lately? Do I come here just to be bitter? I am not, I assure you. In the spirit of updating you on Creeps Bothering Me, this morning on the bus I was buried in Girl Genius #8 with my teal earbuds in (very noticeable) and this guy started talking to me. I kind of genuinely missed it, because I was Billie Holiday and Agatha Heterodyne and he POKED ME ON MY SHOULDER. Who does that? He got the frowny brows and I popped out an earbud.

“What kind of shoes are those? I have never seen shoes like those.”

“I dunno, it’s the guy who designs for Ed Hardy.”

“Huh, those are cool.”

YEAH YOUR MOM’S COOL.

Okay, I am going to Canada this weekend, but I am podcasting before I go. I posed this question to the FYCL Facebook group, but I will ask you here: If you are a lady, and you consider yourself a feminist, what is your feminist hypocrisy? What is the one thing (or more) you do/say/think/buy/feel that contradicts your identity as a feminist?

Also I am enjoying the pudding out of this today:

Here Comes the Karma Truck

So. Things are going pretty well. Franny had her birthday and things have been fairly patched up around here…UNTIL. On Sunday Franny went out to practice devotional WASPishness with her father’s side of the family (tennis lessons) and I let Strudel watch a movie on her own, upstairs.

I heard some tiny elephant stamplings and didn’t think much of it, since Strudel does not have much of an attention span for TV and movies. I thought maybe she was taking breaks and coming back for more. What she WAS doing was breaking into the mints I bought Franny as part of her birthday present, and bolted about half of them in the time it takes to say, “Why did I not just buy a purse dog?”

Franny came home from rich white people church and went to her mints, and was very disappointed. She showed me the evidence and I tried to decide how to administer consequences. Strudel copped to doing it and I said, “Don’t steal from anyone. It makes people SAD AND ANGRY TO BE STOLEN FROM, right Franny?” Franny nodded slowly and I could see the wheels turning.

Tonight at dinner Strudel told us that the two youngest boys in her preschool class are looting her lunch for fruit every day. “They steal my BANANA every DAY!” she finished.

“And HOW does that FEEL?” I said, for what felt like the 50th time this week. “Did you feel SAD and ANGRY?” She nodded forlornly. “Well, that is how your sister felt when you stole her mints yesterday.” Again, the LOOK. Ohhhh.

Presumably if this trend continues a gang of wild weasels will come and nibble these fruit gafflers’ ears off, and then the weasels will be run down by an express bus, and so on.

IT IS IMPORTANT FOR YOU TO KNOW THAT I AM THE FIRST HIT ON GOOGLE FOR “FUCK YEAH CAPS LOCK!!!”
Monkey chow out.

JOIN IT IT’S FUN TO JOIN THINGS.

Hey, so since I am 28 years behind the curve at all times, I just now made a Bookface group for this myah blog. I will probably not post on it too often, unless my site blows up and then it will be to say “Im OK STFU.”

Interested parties may also like to know there is a FYCL group for the podcast. Joining it will cause a weekly update on your page giving you infos about links/sites we mentioned as well as the link to the download. As always we are on iTunes. And there is a new post up as of this morning, actually. We have a phone number now, and I think we are going to start taking voice recorded calls soon. WOOT.

If I have created a mess of link fail here, let me say that both I, Asshole and FYCL are publicly searchable on ye olde FB.

FYCL 7: The Interrupted Podcast

FYCL

Hey, it’s lucky number seven! The exciting news here is that we are now on iTunes so you know it’s too legit to quit. Sexual taboos, dubious and non-dubious sex toys, Kanye West will let you finish but first he will be a jackass, and finding work in academia.

Direct grab: http://www.uppitywomen.org/media/FYCL7.mp3
RSS: http://fycl.libsyn.com/
iTunes (free): http://www.apple.com/search/ipoditunes/?q=FYCL

Early Podcast

Hi Team,

Quick shout to say due to a prior commitment the Egg and I are podcasting tonight instead of tomorrow. I’ve gathered up some Q’s via comments, email, and even chat, but if you have been holding out, now is your chance.

Areas of expertise include: Sexing (people and chicks), texting, sexting, gardening, cooking, fashion, the Kennedy Administration, Lord of the Rings, successful lying, pretending not to be a good liar, chicken husbandry, wine, and sucking dick for drug money. And that’s just ME. Egg knows stuff too.

ETA: If you are bored and knocking around, it is up!

What’s Your Damage, Heather?

Act now, or at least before 8 p.m.-ish PST Friday (which is when we do the podcast), to get in on the opportunity to receive dubious advice from ladies who have over 9000 years of experience between them. You may comment or email sj at this domain.

Thank you!