The Scarlet L

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JESUS CHRIST I am freaked. I was leaving the house this morning when I noticed my head was a little itchy, so I scratched it, and something was there. I pulled it out, and it was a LOUSE. It looked all clearish, too clear, really, but it had that louse shape. Do you remember last winter when I had lice? When one more thing could not possibly go wrong and then it did and it was LICE? Looking back on those posts I realized I only wrote two about lice, when in reality I used to lay in bed and say OMG I HAVE LICE I WISH I WAS DEAD. Okay, not that bad. But it sucked until I found out about the Listerine thing.

I need a slap or a pat, people. Can you have a one louse on your head and it is a coincidence? All I can think of is that I have been pulling out old sweaters from last winter, but someone told me the eggs die in about a week. P. checked my head quickly before I left and saw nothing else, and I checked him, and he checked Strudel. Franny is off at her dad’s for one last hurrah before school starts. CAN THERE BE JUST ONE? Am I the luckiest person because I caught the one? It looked too clear, could it have been something else??

All I can think of is the pain and the burning and the wasted money on the drugstore stuff and I lost so much hair due to those little useless combs and the PICKING, my god. I got to be a pro at pulling them off Franny. I don’t think I told you I went to a job interview with lice, because I had to. It was four hours and six people. I found my first full-grown louse on my head THAT morning, and I think my hair was even all pulled up professionally and shit. When I got out of the interview I got a phone call saying that Franny’s grandmother (my mother-in-law of 8 years) had died so between the interview from hell and her death I actually FORGOT I had them for a couple of days. Well, it might have been denial also.

I was looking at pictures of lice on wikipedia and it made me ill. I was queasy also after P. checked my head and I left. It’s not the SHAME really, it’s the hours of work and laundry. And school is about to start. Also I must confess that part of me wants to call SeaFed and part of me wants to let Franny be a vector. I have considered this–if I call him and tell him she has it, she will come back with it still anyway. Might as well let her spread it around. Oh yes I did.

P.S. If anyone has any big food blogs that are vegetarian-recipe-oriented with kind of a weeknight minimal fuss spin, I would love to get my mitts on them. I love tofu and seitan, but am not so big on the whole It Are Shaped Like a Meat But It Are Not a Meat. I don’t need a food dildo. Assume I know nothing, even if it is like the most popular blog ever. Also I am loving Tastespotting lately, which is not veggie. Thanks!

ETA: I will leave comments open for about a week as I always do, then I will make a round up of sites. I don’t think I was clear enough the first time–I am NOT going vegan, and I, personally, am almost physically incapable of enjoying food that does not contain butter or cheese or the tears of clubbed baby seals. I am going to continue to use dairy and my chickens’ eggs. HOWEVER, I’m sure that someone will find this useful. So thanks.

31 thoughts on “The Scarlet L”

  1. Yes there can be just one. I had that happen, when I was in about Grade 10 (circa 1980). I was sitting in Physics class, I scratched my head and there it was. There was just one, I panicked but that was it, there were no more. I wonder if they jump?

  2. I have read they do not, and believe me, I read extensively last fall. They are crawlers.

    Thank you, you make me feel better. I will keep you posted.

  3. Barf. Seriously. But I think there can just be one and for your sake I hope this is double true. thanks for making my entire body writhe and itch. Oh that’s right, NOT ABOUT ME.

    I have been loving FYCL, btw. I am chewing on a question for you mothers. stay tuned.

  5. Perhaps it was another type of louse-shaped bug. While any bug in your hair is super gross, this one could be an anomaly. I hope so!

  6. Oh ICK. I have never had lice but clearly remember the FEAR and DREAD I’d feel when the lice inspector used to come into my 5th grade classroom and check everyone’s heads. Poor bastids who were suspect actually had to get out of their seats and line up against the wall.

    You may’ve heard of this blog (Post Punk Kitchen), but here: http://www.theppk.com/blog. MMm. May even try a few of those recipes meself.

    Fingers crossed that your louse is the last member of its tribe.

  9. This website is pretty new, but it’s written by the niece of a pal and it gives great basic vegan fare that is quick and pretty inexpensive. Might at least spark some ideas for more advanced fare.

    http://collegebudgetvegan.blogspot.com

    PS-not related specifically, but something I noticed back when I was a relationship-mess. Jealousy has the word lousy in it.

  11. I have the willies for you! It’s been over a year since our infestation and I still get the phantom bugs here and there. I think it IS possible to get one rogue louse, but you should really keep an eye on things. I’d do a Listerine/shower cap spa treatment tonight just to be safe. Can’t hurt.
    -Mrs. Listerine

  12. My mother in law is a vegan and she has tons of uber-uber healthy vegan recipes. Most of them do not use meat analogs, but there are meat analog recipes as well.

    If you would like them I would be happy to email them on to you.

  13. Oh, it’s cool. I really, really want to continue using animal products, especially since I have chickens. I am not cut out to be a vegan AT ALL.

  14. Admit it, you’re just re-writing the Burns poem ‘To a Louse’ (On seeing one on a lady’s bonnet at church) for the modern day.

    I was going to copy and paste the whole poem into this comment but (a) it’s longer than I thought and (b) a lot of your readers are probably American and might find the Scots language hard to understand, so I’d have to post the poem and the translation. So see here: http://www.worldburnsclub.com/poems/translations/552.htm

    Here’s one verse you might enjoy:

    Ye ugly, creepin, blastit wonner,
    Detested, shunn’d by saunt an’ sinner,
    How daur ye set your fit upon her —
    Sae fine a lady!
    Gae somewhere else and seek your dinner
    On some poor body.

    In English:

    You ugly, creeping, blasted wonder,
    Detested, shunned by saint and sinner,
    How dare you set your foot upon her –
    Such fine a lady!
    Go somewhere else and seek your dinner
    On some poor body

    And the final verse, much quoted:

    O wad some Power the giftie gie us
    To see oursels as ithers see us!
    It wad frae monie a blunder free us,
    An’ foolish notion:
    What airs in dress an’ gait wad lea’e us,
    An’ ev’n devotion!

    In English:

    O would some Power the gift to give us
    To see ourselves as others see us!
    It would from many a blunder free us,
    And foolish notion:
    What airs in dress and gait would leave us,
    And even devotion!

  17. Ruh Ro Rorge! I remember reading about your lice post last time because after my son was in-fucking-fested from school, I thought CRAP why couldn’t you tell me about the Listerine thing sooner?! I remember a summer at Girl Scout camp when there was no nurse to head check on the first day, and OH YES by the third day of camp, it was a full on pandemic. They had to wash ALL of our bedding and sleeping bags, and well all took “shower parties” in our swimsuits. They said it was because it was hot, but no no…they were just on a bug killin murder spree. Yep, fond memories.

  21. You could try wetting your hair and then putting conditioner all through it. Leave it for about 20 minutes then use a louse comb. The conditioner helps smother the little sods and smooth the hair follicle to help the comb slide through. I was told that 10 minutes on hot in the dryer or a hot wash and time in the sunshine will kill them too.

    Hope it was just the one. My scalp is itching now.

  25. http://vegandad.blogspot.com

    I’ve tried several of his recipes, and they’ve all been tasty. He does a lot of tinkering with his recipes as well, and often discusses what he liked, didn’t like, would want to do differently next time. I am the sort of cook who finds that stuff helpful, but YMMV.

  26. Thanks, guys.

    Jane, I liked this quote from your sheet: “The head is where the action is!”

    TEE HEE.

    When I had it last fall, nothing worked except Listerine treatment and NIT. PICKING.

  28. I think you should blame the chickens.
    Then check them for chicken lice. They are, I think, the clear ones.

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