“Adulthood is loneliness, emptiness, and panic. Surprise! Welcome to the party. Make yourself a drink. Sit anywhere.”
I have exhausted all of my episodes of Battlestar Agalag. What am I going to do with the rest of my life now? I guess I have to go outside or something now. BOOO!
I am turning thirty this month, did I tell you? I was feeling all excited about that, pretty much since last year’s birthday. Now I kind of wish I could put it off for another month, since I have so much anxiety right now. I sort of feel like I am overreacting to things. Like I just got sucked back into a few years ago when things were much worse. It’s funny how triggers can set you off. What do you do about that? I think the difference between then and now was that I thought things were going to get better, and I could move away from the bullshit for once and all. But of course it resurfaces. I know that now. How did I get this old without knowing that?
So right now I am feeling like a barely-competent friend, fake wife, and person. I think the momming may still be hanging in there. I have only thrown Strudel in the locks three times this week, which is about average.
I got my first paycheck for writing the other day. I was talking to a friend about that and how I thought I would have sold a pile of work by now. But I am happy to have made a start.
Things I am obsessing over lately: