The girls are going camping for two days with Strudel’s father and her grandfather. HOME ALOOOOOONE. Home alone. I dreamt I called in sick and did nothing, which I will NOT do. I had my vacation and now will Be Responsible. Plus I am going to Portland this weekend so there is my carrot. Confession: I used to fantasize about separate vacations and now I have them. Oh yes.

“They should take a shower before they go,” I said this morning.

“Really?” P. said.

“Yes, because they probably won’t get one while they are there. But they have to if they swim in a lake. Lake itch!”

“There is no lake on the island,” he said.

“Oh, right. Well.”

“Bay itch?” he said.

“Protect the vulvas!”

“WHAT?”

“PROTECT THE VULVAS!” I said. “They are little girls and you have to think about this!”

“It’s just two days and the bay is salty and…”

“VULVAS! WASH THEM!”

“Okay, okay.”

I am the Cassandra of vulvas.