Category Archives: Sweet Domesticity

Girl Sandwich and NYE

Posted on by

So, I took the plunge this weekend and moved the kids into the same room together. What had held me back before was that Strudel was too young and then Strudel grew into a very light sleeper. Franny’s anxiety is affecting her, of course, but it is also affecting the whole family. This seems like the best thing for all of us.

Her mattress came yesterday and she slept on the floor on it last night. Mattress shopping was quite a trial. Companion, who when I met him was sleeping on a futon, had no idea how much mattresses actually cost. I was content with a budget one, as I always am. We priced out frames at IKEA to get an idea, but he had no idea a mattress would be more than a frame. Sometimes I have this weird feeling like I have dragged him into teh evil capitalist paradigm farther than he wanted to go. I couldn’t bear to take him into the fancy special room where mattresses cost as much as a liver transplant. I feel bad when his eyes bug out of his head.

They slept together last night, and I think they woke up a little too early, but did okay. Franny said she felt better being in a room with her sister. So we’ll see.

Yesterday we had friends over with their new baby, who is very cute and fun to hold. It’s a nice feeling, holding her. I feel like I’ve always been the one with the baby, the one who is struggling and being barfed on and trying to nurse while everyone else eats. I certainly wasn’t taking any satisfaction in their struggles–it was just nice to enjoy a baby. I also felt really good about coming to the end of reproducing. I thought that maybe the feeling of wanting more babies would never go away, and that I would just have to be reasonable and decide to shut off the baby faucet, but that I would always have secret regrets or yearning. But I don’t. What a relief. I feel so excited about other peoples’ babies. And also about sleeping for eight hours.

Continue reading →

Man, Fuck The Permit, I Know Where Ima Park Tonight

Posted on by

1. I was pushing eggshells into the maw of the sink when I remembered: I had the most horrifying dream about my teeth last night. I was wandering around one of those doctor’s office complexes that are like rambling warrens.

Why do they do that? Why do they want patients to feel lost and overwhelmed? Is it sneaky psychological intimidation or dissatisfied architects who wish they were designing museums instead of medical-dental? Do doctors think they are giant bunnies?

ANYWAY. For some reason I stuck whitening strips on my teeth while I wandered around looking for my babydaddy, who was there somewhere in a room. Then a timer dinged and it was time to take the strips off. I pulled and pulled, but they were a little stuck.

My teeth started crumbling apart like some kind of fragile candy. It felt like the butt end of candy canes when you suck them down to slivers and they just snap off. I started spitting teeth out into my hand to see if any could be salvaged. There was a whole one with a root, but mostly they were brown and crumbling.

I looked into a mirror at my brown crackly nubs. “Have I always been this ugly?” I wondered to myself. I kept licking them, worried I was going to cut my tongue. I pushed a door open and walked outside and the light was blue, like the light is in the spring sometimes.

My ex drove by in his boat of a car. “Have you seen Franny?” I clapped my hand over my mouth, closed my fingers over my tooth fragments with my other hand, and shook my head. He chit-chatted with me for a few more minutes and then drove on.

Then, of course, I started to worry about where Franny was. I dropped my teeth and said, “Oh, well, I will deal with this later.” I began looking for her and I woke up.

Continue reading →

An ESL Rendition for the Mentally Ill

Posted on by

PHOK YEAH. I made some pho. It wasn’t like a pho hut’s, which obviously gets a discount on liquid crack. But it was eatable.

It was pretty cool. I had Companion grill the onions and ginger whole on the barbecue first, per the instructions.

marromom.jpg

Then it was peanut butter marrowbone time. I didn’t know what to expect. I always see these little guys in the store, jolly and glistening, so I didn’t expect the smell when I opened the package. I felt dizzy, like I was going to pass out or experience an unholy ascension or something. Marrow is godly cow butter.

Continue reading →

Weekend Round-Up from the Non-Sucky Domestic Angle

Posted on by

Well, it’s not all hair-pulling and freaked-out barfing and loose teeth around here. We still find time to designate for a dizzying array of domestic distractions. Companion has been on an absolute canning spree, which either means he’s secretly pregnant and nesting, or there’s something about the apocalypse he hasn’t told me about. Don’t you hate it when they hold out on you like that?

As Xtian Materialism Day is approaching, he decided to do the roll call of all the jars.

Plum! Blackberry! CROOOOOW!

jamlineup.jpg

Just kidding. There’s no crow flavor.

On Sunday some friends came over and one half of the couple made quince jam and jelly with him, while the remaining lazy people indolently rolled around on the couch, discussing Britney Spears and law school, being glad that their interest in jam began and ended at eating it.

They worked for about four hours, and because the quinces were overripe, it only yielded something like seven jars, three of which were jelly. The jelly is very beautiful. There was leftover jelly that did not fit into a jar, so it was placed into a dish. This prompted me to get out the goat cheese, the gruyere, some crackers, and the chorizo. Chocolate may have been involved. I am a food hedonist.

Here you see quince jam and jelly, with chorizo in repose. Chorizo is fashion.

fashion.jpg

Companion, house baketress and seamstress and who knows what else, has delved into the world of pain au chocolat. He says this was to use up the quality leftover Halloween candy, but I know better. He just likes to bake.

painnom.jpg

We rounded the weekend off with everyone’s favorite, hand turkeys! It’s not Fangsgiving without hand turkeys.

handturks.jpg

I finally realized that every dopey tradition I do comes from the time I was happy when I was a kid, which was before I was six and still living with my grandmother. I think I am thisclose to making one of those crochet dollies that hides the extra TP. Someday we are going to own a beautiful house and the inside will be wood-panelled and done in trailer decor. Could it get classier around here? Probably not.

I Almost Never Go To Bed First!

Posted on by

Me: WOW! I had the best orgasm the other night, did I tell you?

Companion: Ummm…no.

Me: It was great! I was falling asleep as you were coming up the stairs.

C: That’s great…for you.

Me: Hey, what’s wrong? Aren’t you happy for me?

C: *SIGH* Yes. But you could have come to get me, you know.

Me: Hmm. I suppose I could have let you watch.

C: WATCH?

Me: Ha ha!

C: Well, have fun. And don’t act “all surprised” when you get stabbed in your sleep.

What the Crap is Plum Dust? The Bounties of Harvest Season, Etc, etc.

Posted on by

Okay, so I went plum picking with friends this weekend, which was awesome. We got enough plums to completely bury someone like, say, John Travolta, in an avalanche of plumdom. Companion made jam out of most of them, like the sweet burly Martha he is. I made a tart last night, and it turned out pretty well. We also foisted many on friends and neighbors.

I was watching my friend shine one up to give to Strudel, and I thought to myself, “What the crap is that dust on the outside of the plum, anyway?” Our other friend suggested it was some kind of wax, but after some cursory wiki-ing I don’t think so now. There’s dust on grapes, too, especially concords.

plumz.jpg

What is it?

In other news, we are completely overrun by fruit flies. I think it started when we went out of town. But we have a garden spider who, as of this morning, I have named Judith due to a discussion of biblical women with my cool frond. Every time she catches a fruit fly I pretend it’s Holofernes’s head.

mypaljudy.jpg

I was just thinking that “Jusith Holofernes” would be a great name for a character in a novel, but it looks like it’s been done. Dag. Back to the drawing boardz.

Religion: I’m in it for the art. And lulz.

Got Britney Down My Pants and My Gin and Sprite

Posted on by

I have that old meme in my head today. That is really old, too. If that meme had a vagina, there would be mummy dust and Dead Sea Scrolls coming out of it.

DEAD to the C-Z scrollies REPRAZENT.

Ahem. The thing I really have is basil. Loads of it.

pestosplosion.jpg

I went out and denuded a couple of bushes. I decided to go for the variety this year, so I have regular (unleaded), this wee kind that’s called fino verde or something, and Thai basil. Strudel jumped in and helped me pick, and she went for the Thai basil, which I was avoiding. She started plucking the purple flowers off the top. I suspect my pesto will have a slight licorice flavor as a result. I managed to fend off the helpful handfuls of mint and parsley that were also trying to befriend the basil.

Last month I found a pesto recipe for “lighter” pesto. Usually I find lighter irritating, but in this case it’s nice to have a creamier and less-oily pesto.

zukey.jpg

I also found a mongo zucchini from hell. Time for zukeyloaf!

prowling.jpg

Continue reading →