Dreamt I was in charge of some big animal refuge but I forgot to feed the fish and they started committing suicide by jumping out. Then it turned into a people shelter and they were staying in the viewing rooms. I shaved a man who was undergoing cancer treatment. Then a bunch of the people and the cats put on a play.

Rating: Terrible, though Doug looked great post-shaving. F- would not dream again.

Taking one of my usual walks with my friend today, and I dreamt that I stood her up and got my pupils dilated instead, something I have never, ever done. I had this idea that I could walk around with dilated pupils, I guess, and that it would all work out just fine. I am confused and inconsiderate in my dreams sometimes.

This morning we hit the pranayama really hard and I felt pain in my lungs. What is this lung mutiny? It felt a lot like December and January when I had pneumonia. I put my hand on my chest, as if you can smoosh away lung pain, and the teacher came over and told me to Slow It Down, Farmer Brown. I told her that part of the reason I was back in yoga immersion now was to push out the last of the sickness. I feel like it has hung around like a slowly-dissipating cloud.

“Well, try nudging it away instead of kicking it out,” she said, after class.

“Okay,” I said. I like this.

I was pulling my hair back this morning with barrettes so it would not hang in my eyes and I have discovered I can still make victory rolls in the front, which are slightly hilarious with my hair spiked up in the back. I am party in the front, business in the back. The cats were trying to get in to both of the doors in my bathroom like they were marauding Morlocks and I was just a wee Eloi, nibbling on cliff berries and trying to get my hair did. Well, F that N.

My eyes fell on the squirt bottle that I give myself a quick mist with on mornings I am in a hurry but still don’t want to look like Yahoo Serious. I set phasers to “stun” and whooshed open one of the bathroom doors where tiny felines were scrabbling under it like their lives depended on it.

SQUIRT SQUIRT SQUIRT SQUIRT!

I whooshed the second door and repeated the process.

Oh! SHOCK! Panic! Betrayal! AUGH! Cat and kittens scattered, their clever plan for annoying the Friskies out of me SMASHED. As I left the house they were still lick, lick, licking off all the offensive water. Since that was entirely too much fun, the squirt bottle now resides on my desk.

Kittens! I got six kittens! I also had a bunch of goldfish. What to do? Put them in the same tank, of course. I was sprinkling cat kibble onto the water and the kitties were swimming and nipping at it. At one point I forgot what I was doing and took a goldfish out to pet and it died. Because kittens can live in aquarium with fish, but the fish cannot come out. Yeah.

Dreamt I was laying in bed and I heard gulls. The ceiling was open like a bad overlay special effect from the 80s. And then the gulls came! I covered my head to avoid the crap storm.

A brief interlude where I was having sex and it was fun, and then the perspective turned and I was my partner. AUGH, do my thighs really look like that? Yoga on Monday, thank god.

Dreamt I was at a food court that was having some kind of cultural show, like a South Seas expo and food festival. Someone stole my stupid dumbphone with the leopard bling blang cover. It was my fault, it was in my hoodie pocket.

“Sebastian Bach!” I said to Sebastian Bach, who had come there with me (just as friends ok) to sample the cuisine. “Someone has stolen my dumbphone!”

“Here, use mine to change your passwords,” he said, handling me his phone, which was exactly the same as mine, but without the cover. Wow! I saw his email but I tried not to read anything.

I was tapping away at it when he brought me some Indonesian (?) glop in a styrofoam box. YUM! I love that guy.

After last night’s various bombs, was surprised to wake up looking like Clover from Blue Monday. OH YEAH I cut my hair yesterday. HAR. No dreams recalled.

Sex dream interrupted by alarm, naturally, then a dream about raising a baby panda but dressing it in little clothes and also forgetting it in an apartment hallway while visiting a friend.

Dreamt I was covered in white and robin’s egg blue moths and the cats were climbing all over my clothes eating them off. My nostril got bitten by accident. I also dreamt I was in a zombie situation, but we don’t need to go into that, ugh.

Today was absolutely the most ordinary day possible! I leapt out of bed and mounted my Pegasus, Horatio. WAIT THAT DID NOT HAPPEN AT ALL, NOT EVEN A LITTLE.

BLUE STEEL

I somehow slept ten hours, but it was the absolute WORST. I was dreaming that I was on a soggy mattress, and no, I did not vagina-wet myself, it was just like two inches thick and all discolored from body oils and no sheet on, but I had the most coolest headboard that I want to build now that was like someone punched a metal shark in the mouth with a hockey stick.

I think I can make it happen, I’m up on my shots. Seriously, how hard can it be to build a headboard out of scrap metal and some crap I found?

I kept thinking to myself, I should go get the nice mattress from the other room, which was the mattress I was actually sleeping on while I was having the dream. I woke up and my headboard was gone! I noticed the other day that the wall next to my bed is turning slightly pink, as walls do. Birds and walls long to be near me. I thought, if I had a headboard it would cockblock my pillow from making the fuck with my walls, which is causing the pink creepage (PAAHGE, that’s French ok).

What can it mean? Why was I sleeping on a circus hobo mattress? I lay in bed a long time thinking about this, reading Mrs. Woolf and the Servants.

Oh hello, I did not see you there. I felt like writing every day for a week, so I did. I am thinking about continuing. Is this okay? Would you like to see inside my messy head EVERY DAY? I’m not going to get better or anything, either, you have my guaranDAMNtee. You don’t have to read everything. I will continue to write longer entries too, no doubt. I feel like I need to keep track of things more closely right now. THANK YOU COME AGAIN.

LAST NIGHT I DREAMT (zzz, I hear you saying)… NO REALLY. I dreamt I got zapped into the body of a 15-year-old hardcore Christian girl. Well, she was until I was zapped into her. I think I decided to pass and see what life was like there. I missed swearing and I did not like my pastel capris or the house we lived in, which was a tiny farmhouse that had all these add on rooms that had been slapped up as there had been money and need. I had a sister and she was nice and did not spit at old people admiring her cuteness like a hobo like my real sister did when she was 6.

I think what really clinched my desire to pass was that I found this shirt that I used to wear every day ten years ago that said “The Joy of Sax” on it that was from this saxophone bar and grill in Singapore. I wore that thing until it was THREADBARE. And there it was! brand new, black, stiff even. I put it on. I was IN TROUBLE. Maybe this wasn’t such a good deal after all.