I have figured out the secret to all science fiction. Now during naptime I am watching I, Robot, and I am thinking that in the amazing year 2032, there will not be holographic police tape, because it will still be cheaper to tote around the real stuff and set that up. What if the holographic police tape breaks? What if Jensen forgot to being the batteries, as promised?

Also, today I’m wondering if it will be the day when the windows finally rattle out of their glazing, because of what they are doing at the construction site across the street. They are doing that thing where the masher comes down and vibrates asphalt into places. But oho, then we could get NEW windows, windows that would have a slightly better chance of keeping the cold out and the warm in come winter, than, say, a giant potholder weaved out of tampons. (Weaved. Wove? Woven? Don’t care.)

Speaking of things that vibrate, I was at lunch the other day when someone pulled out one of those little seizure bugs that people give to children for their amusement. Mothers pull those out and start cranking them up, which makes us think of other things that vibrate, which may, in turn, lead to more children. I’m on to you, Toy Industry, you fucks. I should have a hat made that says “Watchdog,” because that’s what I am. Perhaps I will include the word “wily” as a modifier. If you know what I mean.

Also, today I am wanting to know why ctl-alt-del exists in the same universe as Penny Arcade. Seriously, I was up thinking about this last night. Was this some kind of anti-trust agreement? “Okay, we have Penny Arcade, now we need an inferior knock-off so’s PA can’t dominate the market.” Because, sorry, not as good. Also, the guy who draws Penny Arcade is cute, so more points for their side. I am guessing that the guy who draws CAD is not as cute, but I am willing to be proven wrong. Because I say, the more cute in this world, the better. Someone bring me some cute!

I should also give you the wrap-up on Egg Battle Royale. BOY, did that day suck. By noon they had, of course, been in the fridge, so I had to bump them in the micro. And then after her nap, I made her some new eggs, because you know, I am not a monster. Those were rejected as well. Then she went to bed hungry and woke up and ate all day long. I went to the Zoo with a friend and her child, and it was the first time we had banged our kids together. Well, I might as well have left her home with the feedbag on, because she looked not so much like a toddler, but more like something else.

I’m sure it will come to me in a minute.

Anyway, we had Egg Battle Royale again today, but it only lasted until 11 o’clock. Progress? Maybe a fluke.

I’m sure that I have fooled you and my PMS isn’t even showing. I am also sure that I didn’t eat almost an entire loaf of taleggio for breakfast.

Now look what you’ve done. All I wanted to do was watch my movie.

I had a NIIICE run-in with a local guy in front of Casa del Asshole this morning. He was watching the backhoes across the street go MMRM MMRM from the foot of my driveway.

Whippet and I were standing around gabbing and he came up to us. For the purposes of this conversation it’s important for you to know he was a blue-eyed man with light skin.

“Do you live in this neighborhood?” he said. “I live right on the other block. Can you believe all this construction?”

“Yeah, Seattle’s really changing,” I said, hoping he would not go into a crazy old guy rant.

“I don’t know how long you’ve lived here, but BACK IN MY DAY a person could afford a house here. I am sixty years old and I am in an apartment and I have lost job after job to these people,” he said, gesturing at the jobsite.

“All that’s happening is that these developers are getting rich. And look at those people! Mexicans! Mexicans are doing the work for fifteen dollars an hour and more money goes into the pocket of the developers.”

Fabulous. My LEAST favorite crazy guy rant.

“I was in Fremont the other day and the whole site was speaking MEXICAN!”

“Well, you can’t tell if someone’s a citizen by what language he’s speaking,” I interjected, when he paused to take a breath.

He rattled on for a while longer, and I suggested that he take it up with the foreman, who was right across the street.

“No!” he said, and started moving off, probably because despite the fact that Whippet and I are both whitey-white ladies of Irish descent, one of us having the further distinction of being of white trash descent (me) we were not agreeing with him. “They just get HOSTILE if you try to talk with them. I’ve tried it.”

Well, he certainly wasn’t getting an audience with us, either. A hundred years ago I’m sure that people were throwing bottles at my great-great-great grandfather and telling him to go home. Now I’m all entitled to be here and whatnot. Life is weird sometimes, and sometimes the weird happens right in your driveway. That is my insipid thought for the day.

FURTHERMORE, I will come out as being for townhouses. I’d rather see three families on a lot than what I saw when I lived in Phoenix–sprawl to Tucson, the temps fifteen degrees higher than they should have been, and the Brown Cloud, in part caused by driving 3,000 miles to get back to your McMansion at night. Yes, the developers are getting rich. I think that’s called “what the market will bear” and some junk.

I hate it when people make assumptions like that about me. Don’t “oh noes foreigners” me, because then I will have to “OH NOES ATOMIC WEDGIE” you. Dumbass.

This morning I was in the drugstore, buying myself some delicious, delicious foamcore. The office/school supplies were right across from the toys (well-played, Bartells). Strudel poked around a bit, and then I came face-to-face with Disney’s Royal Nursery Collection.

Did you know they were always perfectly coiffed and attired exactly the same as they were as adults? I am probably the last to know this important fact. I call plothole, because Snow White’s stepmother hated her, so she probably wore whatever was laying around. But people never listen to me, because on the DisneyTruLuv 4Evah message board I belong to, where dreams do totally come true, I am routinely dismissed because I am a King Triton/Ursula ‘shipper. (Trursula 4-Alwaysz! Sorry everyone, that’s a shoutout to my homie from the board, Goofy69.)

But I digress.

Look at those luscious, pouty lips. The aforementioned hair. The made up faces. Yes, there is blush, eyeliner, heavy eyelashes, and eyeshadow on these little toddler-dollies. They are reminding me of something….I can’t quite think of what it is.

Oh, wait, this is what those sensuous little dollies remind me of. MAH BADS.

This is a request and dedication to anyone who needs one. I am so feeling this today. Not for the ranidaphobic.
(I didn’t make this.)