Dear Stupid Internet Diary,

This weekend was both wet and eventful. It was not wet and eventful in a Dear Penthouse Fantasy Forum way, it was more like a sixty-five degrees and pouring and still doing stuff kind of way.

Now my coop has a sign, so lost chickens will not be confused.

“Which one’s this then, I thart the Donkey’s Head was round here?”

“Nar, nar, this be Chook’s Respite. Donkey’s Head is two blocks yonder.”

So now you can rest content knowing that chickens talk like bad English movie peasants.

I like the sign, but I think it needs Moar Glitter. I will work on this. In theory, it’s supposed to stop raining here in August. I’m sure my corpse will appreciate the beam of light shed on it as it swings from the rafters as I give up on July 29th. Hey, that’s not funny. Suicide, serious business. I have to get out of here before I get MS or something.

I went to the Fremont Sunday Market and I met this nice woman who makes really badass jewelry, sometimes out of exploded vintage pieces. This is nice, because some old stuff can be too much as one piece, but if you take part of a piece and add it in with something pretty, like new beads, it gets way cool. I am going to pick up a piece next Sunday.

Then when I came home, a spider nest had exploded by my front door.

They were huddling in a ball, because it is too cold to live.

I leave you with this nice song about cheese.

Interview with Strudelpire.

AHA! I forgot one more. I took the little chicks out on Sunday too, but it was so chilly they just crouched next to me, so I had to carry them back in. You could say it was not their bag. Ho ho.

Dear MF Diary,

October was like WHOA! And also like bam! and biff! and socko! But there were some fun parts, too. It’s weird how you can have fun in a month and still be glad it’s over. I turned thirty last month, did I tell you? It was nice. I forgot to take pictures. I drank something like three scotches and when I woke up the next morning I had Smoky Pee Effect. That’s alarming, mkay? I think I want to drop back down to the 100-level courses in pee altering, which just involves asparagus and B vitamins.

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Haay Halloweeners.

I am taking the kids out tonight after presenting on the Day of the Dead in Franny’s class this afternoon. Pancreas damage, ho. It is a busy day…people to dinner and such. But I guarantee that there will be an assload of MF Diary style pics really soon.

ALSO. Tomorrow kicks off the beginning of the Second Annual NaChoPoMo! I am going to work up some new graphics and I was thinking about designing t-shirts that I will sell for cost and shipping. Would anyone even want a NaChoPoMo shirt? I dunno. And I am not going that Cafe Press route either. Stupid lady sizes fit on my LEG.

ALSO part two. Babydaddy got a third interview for a major local company and it will be PERMANENT and with BENEFITS. And it is his BIRTHDAY, today. He can’t remember how old he is, but I love him anyway.

ALSO part seventy-eight. I am getting a essay published in a book for charity. With my friend! I wrote for a good cause. What is this world coming to, when I am using my powers for good?

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Today on Blogher: Britney: Unfitney? Or Misunderstoodney?

OH YES I DID just do that to the English language. I am shameless.

Tonight we are nicking off for drinks with fun people, and then finally out to dinner at this Spanish restaurant I have been wanting to peep forever. Maybe…if I can get reservations.

Companion is 1) re-upped, finally, and 2) he is going for some mushroom pickery this weekend. I predict chanterelle risotto in my future. Also, I am taking a mushroom pickery class in a couple of weeks called Mushroom 101: How Not to Poison everyone You’ve Ever Loved. Can’t wait!

Well, someone’s happy it’s Friday.

“Wot’s Friday?” she says.

1. Strudel went to her open house at her new school, which is of course her sister’s old and current school. She did great. She was very, very Peace the Spork Out, Mom (to quote Trent) and merrily be-puzzled and played with the farm set and ooohed at the fish. Somehow I got myself first on the list to take Beloved Classroom Hamster in case the state says they can’t keep it.

The state also has an issue with the fact the school has no playground equipment. They have a beautiful park across the street with ACTUAL CLIMBING TREES and grass and stuff, which leads to imagination games, etc, and this does not meet the state’s criteria because there is no plastic crap for the kids to meet the state’s checklist of what kids must do on playgrounds. It sounds like the state wants their school to be like all the other schools because the philosophy doesn’t fit into a box. It’s not like we’re talking piles of broken glass here.

One of my bosses wants to meet with me on her first first real day at school, and the extremely selfish part of me is going NOOOOO! because I’m pretty sure that on your youngest child’s first day of school you are supposed to be face down in an opium den, chokin on your vomit, whilst receiving a camouflage ass massage. IT’S IN THE FLIPPIN HANDBOOK. AH NO MAH RIGHTS.

2. Speaking of school, I forgot to tell you that when I saw SeaFed on Saturday, you know, when I did that Harry Potter Conspiracy jam? we talked about school a bit and he was very “school starts next week BWAH?” and I was like, “R U getting the mailingz? The mailingz, let me show you them?” He should have seen it; I even had Impact 726 pt. scrollin’ across my boobs, but no. He said, “Verily I hath such maylings, but ye townnes donkey-ledde postule carte hath been travethes slowlee af late.” And I was all, “WHUT? DO NOT WANT.”

It’s like we’re speaking a different language or something! EL-OH-EL!

APPLE JUICE BREAK

3. So, today, for a happy flippin’ Friday, one of my friends invited me to make farm rounds with her. She gets to drive to farms as part of her job. So I will take some pictures of hott uncensored sheep and shit, because you know how we roll up in the Rancho Asshole.

4. Also, now that it is Ye Olde New Autumn, I am enjoying Murchie‘s autumn chai with a splash of cream. Yum YUM YUM! I am not usually a slave to the oppressive Seasonal Beverage Regime (well, okay, I don’t drink eggnog in June), but this is working out so well. It’s like they planned it that way, or something.

5. I am up at BlogHer today, writing a post about Hello Kitty. If you read only one hyperbole-laden, LIFE-CHANGING/AFFIRMING writing by I, Asshole this year, for the Love of Oprah’s Left Titty please make it this one.

6. Finally, I am going to deal with my shoe/skirt quiz later today and reveal what all the nonsense was about.

So later…the results of the quiz, and what it means for your commute! Next on Fuuuchs!

Okay, so the demand was from one person. But I knew he wouldn’t let me rest until I made one.

This weekend was highly domestical with a chance of naps. Last night we unleashed the naked feral dwarf by taking the bars off her little prison-home, turning it into a “junior” bed. Result: she was up at four and bouncing on our heads. We kept booting her back to her room, urging her to turn her lamp on and read a book. It’s going to take some training. A lot of training. And possibly a cattle prod or some kind of fence.

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